The Troubles of A Werewolf
by I Double Dare You
Summary: When Remus is injured by the circle of werewolves Dumbledore has told him to join as a spy, Sirius is there for him. Their friendship is strengthened but what will happen when the werewolves start to suspect that Sirius is closer than a friend? Smut Fluff
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the movies or the books. The characters, settings and some events in this fanfiction all belong to Rowling, but I don't think she'd want to stake claim to this fanfic as slash is probably not something she's openly ecstatic about (but she secretly loves it XD). I make no profit from this fan fiction.

Title: The Troubles of a Werewolf

Rating: M, NC17, R. Errm, just not for kiddies, rated for graphic slash scenes, a little bit of coarse language and mention of rape. DON'T RUN AWAY, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! It really doesn't take away from the story, I don't make the character seem like a helpless Mary Sue because of it and it only mentions; no details of the event. Please don't leeeeave!

Warnings: Slash (obviously) which means manXman, mention of rape, a teensy bit of fluff (cuteness), graphic (consensual) sex scenes, and Sirius/Remus.

Description: When Remus is injured by the circle of werewolves Dumbledore has told him to join as a spy, Sirius is there for him. Their friendship is strengthened but what will happen when the werewolves start to suspect that Sirius is closer than a friend? (There will be some fluff, smut and I suck at summaries so please just read it! Setting is before Harry is born).

Word count: Don't know yet.

Additional Notes: I can't seem to make this story sound better but I assure you it's better than it sounds (I think). I really tried with this, I haven't written fanfiction in a while and I'm up to my ears in study but I really do love this story and pairing so I've worked hard with it. Just take a squiz and let me know what you think. ^_^ My readers are cherished and glomped heartily :D

Read!

OOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 1**

Sirius looked around at his apartment.

It seemed so empty.

He'd just got home from work at the Ministry where he was training to be an Auror and he was tired, so tired, but there was something missing today. His apartment seemed so quiet and empty; it needed something or someone to liven it up.

Annoyed with this sudden need for human companionship, he moved aimlessly around his apartment, switching the radio on and then turning it off, opening a bottle of firewhisky and only taking a couple of swigs. It wasn't boredom as such, it was a restlessness that was hard to describe. He wanted to go somewhere, to see people even though he'd spent his whole day with his fellow trainees. But it wasn't just people he needed to see; it was his old friends. Since they had all been working so hard for the Order and against He Who Must Not Be Named, they had little time for anything other than sleep. In fact, he hadn't seen Remus in almost a month. Sirius turned suddenly sharpened eyes to the calender on the wall. Last night was the full moon and Remus had been with the werewolves again, trying to convince them that he was on the Death Eaters' side so he could spy on their plans for the Order. Why hadn't he remembered to visit him the day before? He always checked in on him the day before the full moon because he knew how rough it was on Remus.

Well, he'd go now then.

With his new destination in mind, Sirius slipped his robes back on and walked out of his apartment, relieved that he'd found a solution to his restlessness. He hoped Remus was okay; werewolves were dangerous at the best of times but when you're trying to double cross them it was a basic act of suicide. Sirius had never liked the idea from the start but Remus had said, "I'm the only one who can do it and it's helpful to the Order. I want to do whatever I can". Do-good git, he was going to get himself killed.

Sirius apparated just outside the door to Remus' apartment and knocked on the thin wood. As he waited for an answer he glanced around at the hall in the apartment building Remus lived in. It wasn't too flashy, he knew; the walls were obviously thin and the light on the ceiling was flickering like a frantic heartbeat. He knew Remus couldn't afford much better not from any fault of his own but because when his employers figured out he was a werewolf he always got fired and sometimes blacklisted. Sirius, James and Peter had offered to help him many times but he never accepted money; he wanted to survive and show people that a werewolf could succeed by his own hard work. His friends respected and understood that but they hated to see him suffer for something he couldn't help.

Sirius turned his attention back to the door in front of him but there was still no answer from the inside. He knocked again, sure that Remus would be here: after a full moon he always needed to rest up and it was either at home or in St Mungo's. After a couple more minutes of him straining to hear a reply over the loud rock music pounding from the room across the hall, Sirius felt his hair start to stand on end. Doggy instincts; something wasn't right and he could smell it.

Blood.

In a flurry of cold fear, Sirius whipped out his wand without a second thought and cast the Alohomora charm on the lock. He overdid it a bit in his panic and the door swung open and hit the wall with a loud smack but Sirius didn't hear it. His foot had slid slightly in something slippery on the floor and what he saw when he looked down made sweat form on his forehead and under his arms and his heart pound like he was running a race. He was standing in a a small puddle of blood but it didn't stop there; there was a trail leading further into the dark apartment. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Sirius knew he should follow his Auror's training, approach this situation with a cool, rational mind but this was one of his best friends, this was Remus and all he could think was, "Please be okay".

He cautiously followed the trail of blood, going as quick as he could while trying to watch for any movement. He followed the morbid trail all the way to Remus' bedroom where the door was halfway shut. Sirius' eyes froze on the door where the impression of a bloody, smeared handprint was clearly visible.

Moony.

Sirius pushed open the door, terrified of what he might find waiting but needing to see, hoping that his friend was okay, but what he saw in the room made his limbs feel cold and foreign and his heart feel as if it had stopped beating. Remus was lying on his back on the floor in a puddle of blood. Heedless of the fact that there might be someone else in the room, Sirius rushed forward, stepping over the blood to crouch beside Remus' head. There were no lights on in the apartment and the sun had almost set so Sirius could not see Remus' face but he could hear the faint sound of short, rapid breathing coming from the still figure. Sirius cast a spell at a bedside lamp and it lit up the small room with surprising brightness and he could finally see the extent of the damage done to his old friend. Remus had a deep gash on his cheek, dark bruises on his face, a nasty looking split on his forehead, a bleeding lip and his shirt and pants were soaked with blood from unseen wounds.

He was a mess but he was alive.

Sirius gently touched the pale face as if he couldn't believe this was really Remus, he looked so much younger and more vulnerable than he did a month ago and Sirius couldn't imagine why anyone would do this to him; he was so non-violent and the peacekeeper, he was so kind. Why would anyone do this? He felt white-hot anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach but he quelled it for the moment; he had to make sure Remus was alright before he killed whoever had done this. He revived him using a spell and waited for Remus to open his eyes. Remus let out a low groan of pain and his breathing got faster and more shallow as if coming back to consciousness was causing him a lot of pain. It was a few moments before he opened his eyes and when he did they were clouded over with confusion and pain. Sirius was greeted with the familiar gentle, light brown eyes but only for a second because the confused, groggy gaze turned terrified. Remus' eyes widened and he recoiled from Sirius, letting out a strangled shout. Surprised, Sirius jumped back but regained his senses when he saw Remus' hand flick lightning-quick towards his wand in his pocket.

"It's me, Moony. It's Sirius".

Remus froze at the familiar voice and nickname, eyes wide and then his hand and gaze dropped and he let out a sigh of relief. Sirius also let out a breath, unaware that he'd been holding it in. He moved closer to Remus again, his eyes glancing over the blood-soaked clothes.

"What happened?"

He received a mumbled reply and he was about to press the subject but reasoned that he could ask questions later; right now, he had to get Remus better.

"We need to get you to St Mungo's. You've lost a lot of blood", he made to stand up but a hand, dyed dark red, grasped his wrist.

"No, no one must know".

Sirius stopped and stared at Remus in disbelief.

"No one must know? You were attacked, look at you! You need help".

"No".

Remus' voice was quiet and slightly slurred and his eyes were starting to go out of focus again.

"Stay with me, Moony", Sirius coaxed, moving closer to steady his friend, "Come on, we have to get you to a healer". At the mention of a healer, Remus' eyes unclouded and he stated firmly, "No, it's not as serious as it looks".

Dumbfounded, Sirius exclaimed, "You're bleeding like crazy and you're about to pass out again! That's serious".

"I don't need a healer, it can be fixed with a couple of simple spells".

Sirius' eyes narrowed.

Something was not right here. Why didn't Remus want anyone to know he'd been attacked?

"Sirius, please, I'll be okay", Remus pleaded quietly.

Sirius sighed. If Remus didn't want to see a healer there was nothing he could really do about it short of carrying him to one; he'd just have to try and heal Remus' wounds as best he could.

"Where are you hurt?", he asked resignedly.

Remus looked up at him with a strange look in his eyes.

"If I told you to leave and let me heal myself you would never do it, would you?"

Sirius looked shocked.

"Of course bloody not. Like I could leave you like this, what do you take me for?"

Remus smiled weakly, "I didn't think so, so there's no point in telling you to get out but you have to promise you won't tell anyone what's happened".

Sirius was about to protest and ask why but he decided that stopping the bleeding was more important right now so he agreed, nodding his head.

Remus hesitated for a moment, fixing Sirius with a thoughtful look before saying, "It's my back that's bleeding the most now I think".

Sirius helped Remus sit up properly and lean forward. He lifted the back of Remus' bloody shirt very gently, his face getting darker with anger as more of the back was revealed. Long gashes, still oozing blood, were gouged deep into Remus' back, obviously the work of very sharp, very large claws.

"Who?" Sirius said quietly in his most dangerous voice.

"I'll tell you later, please just hurry".

Although Sirius was not in the mood to compromise, he complied because Remus' voice sounded faint as if he was going to blackout again. Sirius knew his healing powers were sound but as his wand trailed over the wounds he knew Remus would still have faint scars, so deep were the gashes. When the flesh was glued back together with magic and bloody lines were all that were left of the wounds, Sirius trailed a hesitant hand over them, more to reassure himself that this wasn't a dream than to soothe.

"Where else?" he asked.

Remus turned to him, pointing to his chest.

"I tried to heal it before but I don't know if it worked properly because I passed out afterward".

Sirius pushed the front of Remus' shirt up, inspecting the three jagged, red, closed wounds that led from Remus' shoulder to his navel. They looked like they'd healed alright so he left them but he couldn't help but think that if Remus hadn't healed them when he did, he probably would have died from blood loss. The thought chilled him to the bone so he busied himself with inspecting Remus' head injuries to take his mind off it. He healed them too, deciding to bandage the wounds after they had been cleaned which meant he had to get Remus to the shower soon.

"Anywhere else?"

Remus looked away carefully and shook his head.

"C'mon then, shower; have to get all this blood off you", he muttered as he got to his feet, ignoring the disturbing feeling of Remus' blood soaked into his clothes, weighing them down. He bent down and carefully slung one of Remus' arms over his shoulders so he could help him up but as soon as Remus tried to take his own weight by standing, his knees buckled and his face contorted in pain. Sirius was able to support him before he fell by quickly wrapping his arm around Remus' lower waist, done while trying not to touch the gashes on his back. Sirius frowned; Remus' wounds shouldn't have hindered him from walking, painful though they must be.

"What is it? Where does it hurt?", he asked, trying to see if any of the wounds had reopened but he saw no fresh blood.

Remus didn't answer for a few moments and Sirius was starting to wonder if he was losing consciousness when he turned his head to face him and said in a faint voice, "It's nothing, just bruising".

"Tell me where, I'll heal it".

"No, don't worry about it, I'll do it later".

"Just tell me, Moony".

Remus dropped his head, refusing to look at Sirius.

"Why can't you tell me?" Sirius asked, confused. If it was just bruising, what was so bad about that?

"Because I made a stupid mistake and it cost me", Remus replied bitterly, "It's nothing more than that".

"Come on, Moony, there is more to it than that; I can tell", Sirius pressed; his back was starting to ache from holding most of Remus' weight but he didn't want to move in case it hurt him again.

Remus kept his gaze anywhere but the man holding him up, as he seemed to steel himself to give his answer.

"I made a stupid mistake and I stepped out of line", he stated quietly, "There are no second chances with werewolves and I was put back in my place by a more dominant werewolf using the usual method used by animals".

Sirius looked at him sharply as realization started to dawn on him but Remus refused to meet his gaze and continued in the same very quiet, matter-of-fact tone.

"I don't remember it well because I was a werewolf at the time and as you know, I don't really remember what I do while I'm a werewolf, I only know for certain that it happened because of the pain. It hurt but it was a simple act of dominance and nothing more".

Remus fell silent and Sirius was lost for words.

Sirius' mind was whirling. He never thought this would have happened. How? Was Remus not protected at all when he was with the werewolves? No back up, no back up plan in case something like this happened? And now Remus had to deal with this. Sirius couldn't even imagine what he must have been feeling but the thought of him being hurt in such a way made him sick to his stomach. Whoever was responsible was going to suffer dearly; how dare they hurt and degrade such a good person. Remus always tried so hard to do the right thing, he was the foundation the Marauders were built on; he brought them together because they wanted to show him he wasn't alone by becoming Animagus', he was the calm, rational one and had kept them from danger, he didn't deserve to be treated like that. This was wrong.

"Sirius, you're shaking".

The quiet voice broke through his thoughts and he realized he had been holding so tightly to Remus in anger that he'd started to shake. He relaxed a fraction but his mind was still reeling with a million thoughts.

"Please don't tell anyone".

Sirius' eyes narrowed.

"Don't tell me you think it's your fault because that's bullshit".

Remus smiled faintly.

"I knew you'd say that".

"It's true; it's not your fault in any way", Sirius said vehemently.

"Just promise you won't say anything".

Sirius considered that for a moment before replying, "Fine, that's your call but I'm going to kill Dumbledore for not stopping this".

"Sirius!" Remus looked at him sharply, "It's not his fault. Don't -".

"Listen, we'll talk about who I'm going to kill after you've had a shower and washed all that blood off".

Remus looked worried at the sound of Sirius killing people but there was no room for argument as Sirius half carried – half helped Remus into the adjoining bathroom. He put Remus down and leaned him against a wall, trying to ignore the way his chest tightened when Remus winced in pain.

"Do you need help with anything?" Sirius asked, reaching out to steady his friend when he swayed.

"No, I'll be fine", Remus assured him, steadying himself against the wall.

"Are you sure you don't want a healer to check you over?" Sirius pressed anxiously, feeling awfully like James' mother when she fussed over their various Quidditch injuries.

"No, I can heal myself now".

Sirius nodded and turned to leave, wishing he had something helpful to say but all he could think of was "Don't pass out", and he didn't think that would help much anyway.

He shut the bathroom door behind him, forcing himself to not look back at Remus and show his worry for him. He paused, leaning against the door and just wanted to sink to the floor in both mental and physical exhaustion but he remembered all the blood and decided he'd better clean it up before he slipped in it.

He spelled all the lights on, used simple charms to clean up the blood and put the kettle on for some tea. He also changed the sheets on Remus' bed because a little blood had found it's way to it and made Remus some soup because he figured he'd need to get his strength back up and food would help.

He knew he was overdoing it but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't have any words of comfort to offer Remus or any help he could offer at all, so he did the only thing that would be helpful to his friend: he was just trying to take care of him. Lily was the one who was good at this stuff; effectively showing people that she cared and all that. He'd never been good at that. The most he usually offered was a sarcastic comment or a straightforward remark. He couldn't help it; he just couldn't imagine ever showing people that he cared for them. And judging by the smell of the soup that was now simmering on the stove, he was still terrible at taking care of people. It smelt like it would be more likely to give Remus severe bowel movements than make him feel better.

Sirius was debating with himself whether to throw the soup out or not when he heard the shower stop and remembered that Remus' wounds still needed bandaging. After a few minutes of rummaging around in Remus' cupboards he found some bandages and a potion that would ease the pain. He was just pouring some in Remus' tea when Remus came out of his bedroom with his hair still wet and dressed in warm pajamas. Seeing Remus not covered in blood from head to toe made Sirius relax a bit and he smiled faintly at him.

"Feel better?"

Remus nodded, taking a seat at the kitchen table and fixing Sirius with a firm look.

"You should go home, Padfoot; you look exhausted".

"Nice try, Moony, but I know you too well for that", Sirius grinned, setting the tea down in front of Remus. He knew what Remus was doing: he didn't like showing pain in front of anyone and he wanted to be left alone so he could let it out but Sirius knew leaving him alone probably wasn't a good idea seeing as how he really should have been in a hospital bed with at least three healers looking after him. Werewolf wounds were notoriously unpredictable and dangerous. So Remus needed him whether he liked it or not and Sirius was going to make sure he was there no matter what Remus said.

"I'm not leaving, give it up and drink this; it'll help with the pain", he said stubbornly.

Remus obeyed, taking a long drought of the hot tea but he wasn't finished arguing.

"Thank you for all you've done but I can look after myself now, I'm not helpless".

"I would never think you were but I'm staying", Sirius stated calmly, sitting down on a chair across from Remus to emphasise his point, "Besides, my place is cold and boring so I need a change of pace".

They both knew it was a lie and the real reason why he was staying was clear to them both. He knew leaving Remus alone with his thoughts and whatever memories he had was not a good idea, but voicing the thought wasn't too appealing either. So Remus accepted the lie. He knew he would never win the argument anyway; Sirius was too good a friend to let that happen.

He looked down at the cup of tea in his hand and was silent for a couple of moments. Sirius was such a good friend to him and for all his protests that he'd be alright alone, he was immensely grateful that Sirius was staying the night.

"Thank you", he muttered into the cup, still not looking up.

Sirius barely heard him but he understood the meaning behind the words.

"What are friends for?"

Remus looked up to see one of Sirius' trademark roguish grins aimed at him and he smiled back. Awkwardly, he drank some more tea, the hot drink warming his stomach and spreading all the way to the tips of his fingers which felt good because he'd been feeling very cold even after the hot shower.

"You still look kind of pale, do you want some soup?" Sirius asked.

"You made soup?", Remus replied, surprised.

Sirius felt his face heat up and he stood up and fetched two bowls to hide it.

"I figured you might be hungry", he shrugged as he poured some soup into a bowl.

He put one down in front of Remus and sat down with the other.

"It's probably not that good, I'm not used to cooking and you know that my mother wasn't the type to teach her kids domestic skills".

They both smirked at the image of the foreboding Mrs Black teaching a young Sirius how to cook.

Sirius ate a spoonful of the soup and made a disgusted face.

"Worse than Cockroach Cluster".

Remus swallowed his own mouthful and laughed in agreement.

"Definitely, but it's hot and making me tired so it's good", he replied, taking another spoonful.

"Glad it works for you", Sirius muttered, reluctantly eating more.

They finished the soup and left the bowls unwashed in the sink and then Sirius spotted the roll of bandages on the bench.

"I almost forgot", he muttered picking it up.

Understanding, Remus sat down while Sirius wrapped up his head and torso in bandages just in case the wounds reopened so the flesh would be held together somewhat and he wouldn't lose too much blood.

"I don't have anywhere for you to sleep, Sirius", Remus said as he put his shirt back on over the bandages. Sirius recognised this as Remus making one last attempt at getting him to go home.

"Got it covered", Sirius replied simply with a wink.

With a small pop he changed into the familiar shaggy, black dog and walked off in the direction of Remus' bedroom, tail wagging and tongue lolling. Realizing what Sirius was getting at, Remus followed him.

"No, Sirius, absolutely not; you'll cover my bed in dog hair", but he was too late, Sirius had already jumped up on the double bed and was making himself comfortable. Remus stopped at the doorway and sighed but he could barely conceal a smile. Seeing the grin tugging at the corner of Remus' mouth, Sirius grinned a doggy grin and wagged his tail happily.

"Fine, but dogs aren't allowed in this building so stay quiet".

He slipped beneath the clean covers next to the dog and switched the bedside lamp off. Everything was silent and dark for a few moments before Remus heard the bed creak as the dog squirmed his way to lie curled up right against Remus' side. He smiled in the dark, extremely grateful for the company on such a night. He reached down and stroked the messy, black hair on the dog's head and felt reassured by the warmth he found there.

"Goodnight, Sirius".

Sirius huffed in reply and closed his eyes and almost at the same time, Remus was falling into an exhausted sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

I hope I didn't make Remus sound too OOC or Mary Sue -_- Feel free to flame me if I did, I'd totally deserve it.

PS: I lawled at the amount of times I used the word 'serious' in that chapter! XD I didn't actually do it on purpose :)


	2. Chapter 2

Meh, this chapter contains some fluff. I apologize but it seemed like it would be the realistic thing that would happen. PS: It's just a little hug :)

**Chapter 2**

Sirius woke in the middle of the night to the sound of retching.

He bolted right up on the bed, still in dog form, eyes wide open and hair on end, looking around for the source. Remus was kneeling beside the bed, leaning over a bin and seemed to have emptied his stomach's contents into it. Quick as a flash, Sirius turned back into his human form and leaped of the bed to kneel by his friend's side but he couldn't see Remus' face as he was resting his forehead on his arm on the rim of the bin. He didn't know what was wrong and the only thing his still sleeping mind could think to say was, "Was the soup really that bad?"

Remus made a sound like a laugh but it turned into a cough.

"No, I just – it was just a bad dream".

Sirius froze. He thought Remus didn't remember what happened last night with the werewolf but what else could have caused such an intense reaction?

"Was it about...last night?", he asked hesitantly.

Remus nodded a fraction but didn't look up.

Sirius felt his chest tighten in sympathy and he noticed with a pang that Remus' pajama top was soaked in sweat. Remus wiped his mouth with a shaking hand and brought his wand up to cast a cleaning spell to get rid of the vomit, talking into the bin as he did, but it was like he didn't want to see Sirius' reaction to what he was about to say.

"It's strange because I don't remember exactly what happened, in my dream it was mostly just...feeling, and what I felt made me sick".

Sirius once again didn't know what to say or do. He had thought Remus wouldn't remember the act at all so he wasn't expecting something like this and he had no idea how to react, how to make Remus feel better. And thinking about what Remus said, that he could only 'feel' in the dream, Sirius couldn't even fathom how terrifying and horrible that must have been, he didn't want to be able to fathom it or even think about it because he reckoned he'd want to vomit too. But Remus had no choice and who knew how long this would last for?

"I'm sorry you have to keep seeing me like this, Padfoot".

Remus' voice was quiet and held a hint of shame in it which made Sirius' stomach twist painfully but he didn't show it.

"Don't apologize, friends are supposed to be there when you need help so I'm here now", Sirius said firmly but he didn't feel as strong as he sounded, in fact he felt useless, unable to comfort his friend when he needed it most. He hated that feeling. He thought of something he could do and hesitated only for a few moments before deciding it was the right thing to do in this situation. He reasoned that it sounded like something Lily would have done so it would probably be what would help Remus most right now. He gripped Remus' shoulders and turned him around gently before bringing him close to his chest and wrapping his arms around him. He thought it would have felt awkward because he rarely showed real affection to anyone but Remus just...fit.

It was what he needed. Remus tensed at first, surprised and probably embarrassed but when Sirius didn't let go or loosen his hold, he relaxed and leaned against Sirius, resting his hands on his chest. Sirius felt another pang in his chest as he realised Remus' whole body was shaking and his hair and shirt was damp with sweat, so he held him tighter, willing the memories of the nightmare to leave his friend. Sirius had done it for Remus' sake but he was starting to feel better too; it was as if he felt he could give Remus something that he could use, something that really helped. He held even tighter and he could feel the engulfing warmth of another's body through his clothing, could feel the subtle expanding and contracting of Remus' torso as he breathed and smell the shampoo he had used in his hair. It was strange; he'd never really hugged anyone like this before. He'd never put so much feeling and meaning into the gesture; whenever he had embraced girlfriends it was usually to make out or for sex and no one had hugged him like this when he was little. It was a strange feeling to be so absolutely close to someone like this, it was comforting and now he could see why other people did it so often and he was glad he could provide Remus with that comfort.

After a few more moments he wondered if he should let go but Remus showed no sign that he wanted to move away so he didn't move. Only when his knees started aching did he start to move, shifting his weight which seemed to bring Remus back to his senses. He gently pushed himself away and almost reluctantly removed his hands from Sirius' chest, both missing the warmth of the other.

Now came the awkward part.

Sirius didn't know whether to say anything and Remus didn't know whether to say thank you or not mention it at all. Finally, Sirius broke the silence by saying awkwardly, "I guess you should try and get some more sleep".

Remus nodded, getting to his feet, relieved when he didn't sway and was steady on his feet. He crawled back beneath the covers and smiled as Sirius transformed back into the big shaggy dog as he jumped up on the bed next to him. Sirius did the familiar turning-in-circles-to-find-the-comfy-spot thing and curled up right next to Remus' side. Remus gazed down at the dark form next to him, still feeling the lingering warmth of Sirius' embrace, making him smile.

"Thanks, Padfoot, I know it wasn't easy for you to do that".

Sirius raised his head and cocked it to the side as if to say he didn't know what Remus was talking about but Remus just smiled, seeing through the act. He turned on his side, facing the dog and rested his head back on the pillow. He closed his eyes, wanting to get some sleep but dreading what sleep might bring. He stayed like that, trying to fall asleep long after he thought he felt Sirius fall asleep but the awful feeling kept threatening to come back so he stayed awake. Suddenly he felt the bed springs creak as the dog moved. He felt a wet nose next to his cheek, sniffing quietly and he tried not to chuckle at the ticklish sensation. Then the nose was gone and so was the snuffling, and he had a feeling that there was not a dog anymore but a man. He was tempted to open his eyes just a bit but then he felt Sirius' human form slip under the covers and carefully wrap an arm around him and he kept his eyes tightly shut, wondering if he had accidentally fallen asleep and was dreaming. It was so unreal, so unexpected that he couldn't help but think it wasn't happening, but it felt real. Sirius' warm breath on his forehead, the comforting weight and warmth of the arm slung around his waist, the soothing sound of another's slow breathing: all this couldn't possibly be a dream. Sirius would have been too awkward to do this while he was awake so he obviously thought Remus was asleep and the notion that Sirius would want to comfort him while he was sleeping made him feel warm inside. So warm in fact, that his breathing started to slow and his thoughts began to mix and blur. He didn't want to fall asleep, didn't want to fall back into that horrible dream but it seemed so far away now and the warmth spreading through his whole body made the dream seem unreal, like it didn't even exist. Before he knew it, he was in a peaceful, dreamless slumber, held close and safe by someone who cared.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm ashamed to say that I went "Nawww" inside after I read through this chapter -_- Shame, shame, shame. I do not like corny fluff, I swears! XD This chapter was a bit short but oh well. Drop me a comment and let me know what you think of it so far :)

Next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sirius woke again to the confusing sound of loud music and someone shouting.

His eyes cracked open and seeing a glimpse of ruffled, light brown hair, remembered where he was. He was in Remus' apartment and the music and shouting was coming from one of his loud neighbours, the thin walls only muffling the sound. Less confused now, he opened his eyes fully and was greeted with a sharp poke in the eyes by the strong sunlight streaming through the window. He made to shield his eyes with a hand but realised with a little shock that one of his arms was stretched out, supporting Remus' neck and his other was wrapped around his waist. Then memory of what happened during the night came back to him and he remembered how he had seen that Remus had looked troubled in his sleep so he had climbed under the blankets and put his arm around him to help him sleep better. Well he was glad he had been the first to wake up because this would have been an awkward situation to explain. He felt Remus shift slightly and heard him make an indistinct noise in his sleep. He looked down warily but the eyes remained closed and Remus continued to sleep soundly. Sirius then noticed that they had moved closer together during the night and Remus' hands were curled against his chest, gently gripping his shirt as if holding him there. Remus' head was tucked under Sirius' chin, his warm breath on his chest, but if he moved back a bit he could see that his face was smooth and relaxed, peaceful in his sleep. Sirius smiled, glad that Remus hadn't had another bad dream, unaware that it was his own presence that had ensured Remus had had a peaceful sleep. He was still smiling as he looked up but it disappeared as he caught a glimpse of the clock on the bedside table.

Shit!

He had forgotten he was supposed to go to work today and now he was going to be late and he still had to get home, have a shower and find clean clothes. He carefully slid his arm out from under Remus' neck and gently pried the warm hands from his shirt so he could slip out of the bed. A wrinkle formed on Remus' brow at the loss of the warmth of Sirius' body and Sirius found himself tempted to get back into the bed but stifled the thought as quickly as he could. That was dangerous ground. What he had done last night was just to get Remus to sleep more peacefully, that was all, and now he was going to leave and he was not going to wish that he could have stayed in bed. It would be weird; friend or not, to get back into bed with another guy or _want_ to get back into bed. What had happened last night, was last night, not now, and besides; nothing had happened but him comforting his friend. Satisfied that he had made this clear to himself, Sirius slipped on his shoes and found his robe. He was already late but he reasoned that it would be strange to leave without saying anything at all, so he wrote a quick note and left it on the pillow next to Remus' head. Trying not to think about how this is what he used to do for old girlfriends back when he used to date more, Sirius quickly left the apartment.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lupin woke up to early morning sunlight streaming through his window, pleasantly warming his face and the less pleasant sound of dull, thudding music from next door. Despite his still healing injuries and bad dream last night, he somehow felt brighter and happier than he thought he would have and smiled as he stretched, cracking his joints. He turned his head, expecting to see a sleeping Sirius but was surprised to see the bed was empty. Sirius was gone. Of course, he reasoned, Sirius had to go to work but it had seemed like he was just going to be there, as if it was just normal for him to always be there. He felt his smile slip away and his good mood slowly start to disappear and he felt annoyed with himself. He didn't need Sirius there for him to be happy – it sure helped when Sirius was around but he was happy enough when he wasn't there too. So why did he feel so empty when he had woken up to find a cold space where Sirius had been laying?

Dangerous question.

Irritated with himself, Remus told himself firmly that Sirius had been there for him last night, comforting a friend who needed help but that was all. Now that he didn't need help anymore the only reasonable option was for Sirius to go back to his own home and his own life. His feelings at finding Sirius not there were simply because he hadn't seen him in a while and, as he was one of his very best friends, missed his company. That was all.

Sighing, Remus rolled out of the bed, halting when his eye caught on a piece of paper on Sirius' pillow. No, wrong: it was the pillow Sirius' head had rested on last night, the pillow did not belong to Sirius because he had only slept there for one night and would not do it again so why would it be his pillow? His mood now thoroughly dark, Remus picked up and unfolded the piece of paper but at the sight of Sirius' familiar handwriting, he felt his mood pick up slightly.

_Moony,_

_Sorry, had to run – late for work. Will be back tonight with some decent food, don't eat the soup, it'll probably kill you. Don't go to work today, you need the rest._

_Padfoot._

He smiled. It was obvious that Sirius had been in a hurry and he was touched that he had stopped to write him an explanation, even when one wasn't really needed. Remus stopped and carefully considered the information that Sirius would be coming back tonight. There was no need for him to but he was anyway and he was bringing dinner with him. He appreciated it but he didn't want Sirius thinking he couldn't take care of himself; he was a grown man and had been living and surviving by himself for a couple of years now: he wasn't helpless. He decided to make that clear to Sirius tonight even though he had to admit to himself that he did miss Sirius as well as his other friends terribly. He sighed, running his hand through his unbrushed hair and looked back at the letter. _Don't go to work today, you need the rest._

Work?

Shit! What was the time?

He spun around on his heel and upon seeing the time displayed on his bedside clock, swore. Dropping Sirius' note, he rushed to grab some clean clothes and hoped that his boss wouldn't kill him for being so late, but hey, better late than not there at all. He knew he really should have rested that day and that Sirius had told him to stay home, but he was making a point and besides; he couldn't risk losing this job. He knew it was slightly immature but he felt he needed to show Sirius that he could take care of himself and didn't need to be looked after like he was still thirteen. Hopping across the room as he hurriedly pulled his work pants up, he quickly brushed his hair and brushed his teeth, wishing there was time for a shower. He pulled his robes on and his eyes landed on Sirius' note which had landed on the floor. He felt a pang of guilt: Sirius was worried about him and was doing his best to take care of him and here he was running off to work to show Sirius he could 'take care of himself', but he knew if Sirius hadn't been there last night he probably wouldn't have made it – mentally or physically. But he had to go to work, if he lost this job he had no idea how long it would take to find another one as most jobs in the Ministry of Magic (where he wanted to work) required employees to go through thorough investigations and they'd definitely find out he was a werewolf then. For some reason, assistant to the Minister of Defense did not require these investigations and with the opportunities such a job offered, he would be crazy to lose this job. He looked away from the note, searching for his shoes. If Sirius found out he'd been to work he'd be annoyed but he'd explain it to him when that happened. He rushed out the door, hoping that his boss was in a good mood today.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sirius apparated in the hallway outside Remus' apartment, a couple of metres away from where he had meant to appear. Just showed how tired he was, really.

It had been a bad day.

First, he had turned up late for Auror training and was yelled at for it, then he couldn't concentrate properly on his task for the day which happened to be practicing stealth, which required great concentration. Then, after he'd made a great commotion because he'd forgotten rule six of stealth and hadn't taken into account suspicious muggles, he'd had to perform numerous memory charms and had gotten in trouble for that. Then, on top of that, his fellow trainees and superiors kept asking him what was wrong and why he wasn't performing well today and did he feel sick. It was nice enough that they wondered what was wrong with him but he really didn't have an answer that he was allowed to give them so he had to lie and simply tell them he just wasn't feeling well, which got him sent to the sickbay by a concerned superior who said he looked like he was getting some weird sickness that Sirius had never even heard of. The matron then insisted on doing a full check up and only released him when he promised to go home and sleep for the rest of today and all of tomorrow, so then he had gotten out late from work and he had said he would grab dinner and be at Remus' place after work and now Remus was probably wondering where he was.

Sighing, Sirius made his way over to Remus' door and knocked.

All day he had spent wondering what to do about Remus and how to get him to confront Dumbledore about what happened, but he hadn't really come to a conclusion. The best he could think of was simply to tell Dumbledore what had happened himself and tell him the effects of it because Remus sure as hell wouldn't say anything because of pride and embarrassment. He _had_ promised not to tell anyone though...

The sound of footsteps came from behind the door and Sirius woke up from his thoughts. He hoped Remus had listened to him and rested today. Usually he would; he was reasonable and sensible and would see that he needed the time to heal but the look that came into Remus' eyes whenever he talked about his job made Sirius think that he wouldn't call in sick even for something like this; he could tell this job meant a lot to him.

The door opened and he was greeted with Remus, who looked as tired as he felt and was obviously suffering from a long day at work.

Annoyed, Sirius didn't bother with greetings, "You went to work, didn't you?"

A look of surprise passed briefly over Remus' face as if he hadn't expected Sirius to find out that quickly.

"Yes, I had to. I can't take a day off work".

He stood back to let Sirius in and shut the door behind him.

"You're not giving yourself time to heal. What if the cuts reopened? You know how unpredictable wounds made by a werewolf are; they could have reopened at the slightest amount of pressure", Sirius argued, putting his bag down on the table in the kitchen. Remus followed him through wearily.

"I trust your healing abilities and besides, I don't do that much physical work, it's mostly writing and talking".

"You still shouldn't have gone, it was dangerous".

Remus stopped and gave Sirius a look that was halfway between irritated and guilty.

"I know the dangers, I really do, and I know you're worried but I can work it out, Sirius".

Sirius, in the middle of taking his winter coat off, turned and seemed to consider him for a moment before replying simply, "Not alone you can't".

Exasperated, Remus said, "I'm not a kid anymore; I can take care of myself".

"I've noticed you're not a kid anymore but even adults need help sometimes, even if they're too proud to admit it".

Sirius sat down at the table and looked up at Remus with an expectant look on his face. Remus looked back, torn between feeling annoyed and touched. He wanted to give in, he really did, but it felt as if such an act would cost him his dignity even though he knew Sirius would never think less of him for such a thing. Sighing, Remus sank into a kitchen chair and rested his face in his hands.

He was tired, so very tired, and his whole body ached horribly.

All day, he had been so distracted at work and he knew he hadn't performed at his best but he'd just felt so strange and ill. His head hurt like hell and because of the bandages he'd had to lie to his boss about his injuries. Also, his wounds still stung and his movement was restricted as werewolf cuts healed slowly and were likely to reopen, and all day he had felt so weak as if all the strength and life had been drained out of him. He'd also been so distracted from his work with thoughts of what to tell Dumbledore on his next report that his boss had suggested he go home and get some rest. He didn't want to seem weak though so he stayed and struggled through the rest of the day, counting down the seconds until he could go home and sleep. That was another problem though: sleep. He needed it badly for his wounds to heal quickly but he was afraid to even shut his eyes in case that horrible dream came back. What was he going to do tonight? He didn't want a repeat of last night, minus the incredible help of Sirius, but he needed sleep and peaceful sleep, the kind of sleep he had when Sirius had his arm around him. He was ashamed to admit it but he was going to sorely miss Sirius' company tonight but there was no viable reason for him to stay and definitely no reason for a repeat of what he'd done last night. Sirius had done his bit and now it was time for Remus to sort the rest out, but apparently Sirius didn't think so.

He looked up from his hands as he heard Sirius move, unaware that he'd been completely lost in thought. Sirius had leaned back in his chair and was regarding Remus with a look of knowing sympathy and determination.

"I can see what's best for you right now, even if you can't, and it's definitely not solitude. I'm not letting up and I'm not leaving so just accept it, Moony, and don't think worse of yourself for letting me help; everyone needs help sometimes".

Remus looked at Sirius and he knew the gratitude and resignation showed clearly on his face because Sirius smiled gently at him.

What on earth would he do without this strange man?

Remus smiled back, incredibly grateful that Sirius was such a brilliant friend, even when he wasn't fully appreciated. Then there was a silence between them where neither knew what to say next but eventually Sirius found something.

"I got dinner. It's your favourite".

Remus watched as Sirius leaned over and opened the bag he'd brought, taking out a carton of muggle Chinese food and sliding it across the table to where Remus sat. He could smell the wonderful aroma of the Chinese food, cooked muggle style and smiled. He was surprised that Sirius had remembered this was his favourite food but his thoughts faded away at the sudden ache in his stomach which reminded him that he hadn't eaten anything today. He tucked into the dinner enthusiastically, smiling as he saw the doubt in Sirius' face when he took out his own carton. Muggles and their ways were still a curious mystery to Sirius.

Sirius watched Remus attack his dinner with gusto, smiling faintly.

It had taken him half an hour to find a good muggle Chinese restaurant and figuring out how to pay them in the strange muggle money was a nightmare but, he concluded, it was worth it to see that he could make Remus smile. He opened his own carton of the altogether foreign food and looked at the brown noodles doubtfully. He had never tried them before and the suspicious brown colour was putting him off, but they indeed smelt nice, enormously appetizing in fact, considering he hadn't eaten anything all day. He scooped up a forkful of the noodles, sniffing them closely in an uncannily dog-like way before taking a mouthful. His eyes lit up in approval and he attacked the rest of his meal with enthusiasm, much to the amusement of the man sitting across from him. They finished the rest of their meal in silence and Remus cast a simple spell to clear the mess from that night and the night before. He got to his feet and stretched gingerly, thinking about going for a hot shower to ease all the pains in his body, when a loud 'clunk' caught his attention. Sirius had reached into one of the bags and had produced two unusually large bottles of firewhisky and had set one down in front of Remus.

"You could use a drink", Sirius said by way of explanation.

Remus looked down at the bottle thoughtfully.

It was a Thursday so he still had to go to work tomorrow and his head hurt enough without the added after effects of alcohol. He was also not a big drinker and although he could hold his liquor better than most, in his current state he didn't think it was a good idea to run the risk of getting drunk. But the thought of the bone-deep warmth firewhisky could bring chased away those horribly logical thoughts, and he picked up the bottle. Sirius grinned at him then turned, making his way towards the lounge room. Remus followed him, noticing as he entered the room that Sirius had just lit a fire in the grate and the place looked more homely and welcoming than it had since he had moved in. Sirius had already collapsed onto the rather uncomfortable double seater, drink in hand and expression tired. Remus flopped down next to him, opening his drink and taking a long swig. The familiar burning warmth seeping into his bones seemed to be just the thing he needed and he smiled lazily at his old friend who drank from his own bottle and smiled back in the same way.

"Long day, huh?", Sirius inquired, rubbing his face tiredly as if to rub away the exhaustion.

"You could say that", Remus replied, sinking further into the chair, "Sometimes I wonder how I ever thought school was hard work".

Sirius grinned his agreement, adding, "Same here; I miss the days when detentions with Filch was about the worst thing that could happen to you".

"Ah, good old Filch. I never thought I'd miss that old git", Remus admitted, taking another swig of the amber liquid.

"I'd take his wheezing and stupid threats over my boss any day. At least he never transfigured a brick wall right in my face when I'm running as fast as I can".

Remus laughed, feeling loose and warm from the drink.

"Let me guess: bad day?"

"Absolute shite", Sirius agreed with a grimace, "I accidentally apparated right in front of an old muggle woman and she hit me in the groin with her handbag".

Remus laughed into his drink, picturing Sirius being victimised by an old woman.

"It wasn't funny", Sirius exclaimed trying and failing to look offended, "I swear she was carrying bricks in that thing".

This only caused Remus to laugh more and Sirius couldn't help the chuckle that escaped from his own throat. Well, it certainly was a lot funnier eight hours and two ice packs later.

"Padfoot, you liar, you were preying on old ladies again, weren't you?" Remus grinned, casting a sideways look at his friend.

"You know me too well, mate. Can't hide anything from you", Sirius smiled, taking another swig from his bottle.

There was silence as they drank themselves into a stupor, interrupted by occasional bouts of conversation that usually left them laughing and spilling their drinks on the couch. Feeling loose and comfortable, Remus let his gaze drift over his friend as he took another gulp from his almost empty bottle.

He had to admit, Sirius looked amazing. His shaggy black hair spilled over his eyes, a lazy, playful smile was on his lips and the firelight cast a magnificent glow on his features and clothed body. Remus found his thoughts strangely turning to how he had seen Sirius without clothes on many times in their youth as they had shared a dorm, but how he had never seen him naked as a fully grown man. He wondered what had changed about his body if he had changed at all, and yet somehow he knew he would look even better now which was saying something because last time Remus had seen him he'd looked bloody magnificent. Even in his slightly drunk state, Remus was aware that he shouldn't have been thinking that and carefully steered his thoughts clear of a naked Sirius and concentrated on the shadows the firelight cast on the walls.

He vaguely wondered if the dream would come back tonight and the thought brought the bottle back to his mouth and he drained the last of the firewhisky. He didn't know if this would lessen or increase the chances of the dream coming back but the warm rush chased the thought of it from his mind. He noticed Sirius had also finished his bottle and was looking dead tired; just as he himself felt. Grunting, he dragged himself up off the couch, managing not to stumble too much, and reached out a hand to help Sirius up. Sirius took the hand, pulling himself up and almost pulling Remus back down on top of him. Laughing and snorting uncontrollably, they both made their uncertain way to Remus' bedroom, supporting each other as they stumbled. Sirius made his way into the room first, tripping on a pair of shoes and ungracefully falling onto the bed in a sprawl. Laughing breathlessly, he rolled over onto his back and observed the chuckling Remus with bright eyes. Remus looked back down at him, hit with the strong urge to crawl over the sprawled body and feel the heat of another, of Sirius, but he wasn't that drunk and he knew Sirius wasn't either. Enough of his rational mind remained to tell him that he should definitely be not thinking those things and, trying not to think about his disappointment, he collapsed on the bed next to Sirius, still fully clothed. They looked at each other, still grinning stupidly but in a much more tired way. Remus was woken up a bit though when he saw Sirius' gaze turn more serious.

"Moony", Sirius began, attempting a concerned tone which didn't really work when his voice slurred noticeably, "do you think you'll have that dream again?"

Remus felt his heart jump and he wished Sirius hadn't said anything.

"I hope not", he replied quietly, looking up at the ceiling and away from his friend, hating the way the warm atmosphere was quickly dissipating.

"It's just that, if you do", Sirius continued persistently, "you can wake me up and I'll hug you again".

Remus looked at Sirius sharply, not quite knowing what to make of that but wishing his heart would stop pounding so loudly. He thought they had a silent agreement not to talk about that, though he supposed that didn't quite apply when alcohol came into the equation. Through the darkness he saw the earnest gaze of the large, bright eyes that always seemed to pull him in and make his heart race. Sirius' face was thoughtful, an unusual thing in his current state, and then he spoke again, quietly but in a confident, matter-of-fact voice.

"I like hugging you".

Remus felt his stomach flip nervously and he didn't feel so drunk anymore, which wasn't such a good thing because he was starting to process thoughts better and he didn't want to think about what Sirius' words meant. Sirius went silent and seemed to be waiting for an answer. His voice shaking slightly, Remus answered as quietly as he could, "I like it too, Padfoot".

Sirius closed his eyes and nodded, adding absent mindedly, "You're always so warm".

He watched the dark form of Sirius scoot closer until he could see the familiar face and content smile clearly. He held his breath without meaning to, watching as Sirius' eyes slowly slid closed and he drifted off into what seemed to be an exhausted but peaceful sleep. Remus' heart was still beating way too fast but the last two days had been long and hard on his mind and he couldn't bring himself to think, to feel anything but warmth and exhaustion. Somewhat numb, he allowed himself to drift into the land of dreamless sleep, unaware that his fear had once again been chased away by the curious Sirius Black.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

lawls, they gots drunkd. XD XD XD

Hmmm, didn't really intend for that to happen but oh well. This fic is actually turning out to be quite long, much longer than I expected (as usual), but I know where I'm going with it so it shouldn't be too bad. I hope it's not too boring, please tell me if it is and also if there are any other problems.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Glaring sunlight sliced through the dark peace of sleep and Remus groaned as he joined the land of the living. His head ached – not terribly, but it still pounded dully in a reminder that he'd drank a little too much last night. He opened his eyes blearily, lifting a heavy arm to shade his eyes from the early morning sun streaming through the window. Groaning, he made to roll over and hopefully go back to sleep but he found that he couldn't move so well. Looking down in confusion, his eyes widened as he saw limbs flung over his body, holding him down – Sirius' limbs to be exact. He turned his head slowly to look in disbelief at his childhood friend to find his cheek brushing Sirius' as Sirius' face was currently pressed into his shoulder. Realising that that was the reason why his left side had been so warm, he felt a flush creeping onto his face and he hesitantly lifted his head to look down at Sirius' face. The eyes were closed peacefully, the breathing slow and calm, the warm air ghosting much too sensually over Remus' skin and the warmth of the body unwittingly pressed against his own, too enticing. Remus slipped out from under Sirius whose arm was slung over his chest and his leg over his thighs, and managed to get off the bed without waking Sirius or falling over. Quite an achievement. His head pounded painfully and he stretched gingerly, thinking that a shower was much needed. Perhaps a cold shower, he thought hastily, as the warm feeling of Sirius' body still lingered, sending tingles racing beneath his skin. He quickly made his way to the bathroom, footsteps light so as not to wake Sirius.

After going to the toilet he looked in the mirror above the sink and got a small fright. The combination of his slightly bloodshot eyes, seriously rumpled clothes and bandaged head made him look seriously mad. He shouldn't have drunk that much last night; he had to go to work today and he was sure that he'd said some strange things while his tongue had been loosened by alcohol last night. In fact, he was sure Sirius had said some strange things too but he decided that last night was best left unremembered although he supposed he could remember it if he tried. He removed the bandages from his head, inspecting the wounds beneath them and concluded that he'd probably only have to wear the bandages for a couple more days. He slipped his robes off and the bandages wrapped around his torso and noted that these wounds were also healing nicely, although they still looked as angry and painful as ever. Thinking that the shower might ease the aches and pains that still lingered, Remus turned the hot and cold water on, temporarily forgetting about having a cold shower. He stood still for a couple of minutes, just letting the warm water beat down on his chest, closing his eyes as he allowed what felt like days of stress to simply roll off him. He let himself have a few more moments of peace and blissful relaxation before washing his hair. He knew the heating could get temperamental in this building and he supposed Sirius would also be wanting a shower so he should at least leave him some hot water. He quickly reigned his thoughts in as they started to stray to a showering Sirius and mentally gave himself a little shake. Honestly: what was _wrong_ with him lately? This was one of his best friends; he couldn't afford to be thinking things like that. Sirius trusted him as a friend and here he was betraying that trust by thinking these...these, thoughts about him. He had to put an end to it. Annoyed with himself, he finished washing his hair quickly and stepped out of the shower, his mind occupied with ideas on how to distance himself from Sirius without him noticing. He'd just finished putting on clean robes when he made a resolve to tell Sirius that he was completely fine now and that he had to go back to his own house. Besides, it was dangerous for him to be this close physically to someone; the werewolf pack would be able to smell that he was living with another person, especially if they shared the same bed and relationships with non-werewolves was forbidden. He didn't like to think what would happen to him or Sirius if they suspected that they were anything more than friends...which they were NOT and never would be, Remus reminded himself hastily, running a comb through his hair distractedly.

Thoughts on how to distance himself from Sirius were still running through his mind as he opened the bathroom door and walked out into the living room and kitchen, but they promptly left him when he looked up. There was Sirius, standing behind the kitchen counter and still in the robes he'd fallen asleep in, pouring flour into a large bowl. He looked as bad as Remus had when he'd first looked in the mirror that morning but he managed a look of concentration as he seemed to mentally measure the amount of flour he was using.

"Sirius, what are you doing?"

Sirius jumped, obviously unaware that Remus had come out of the shower, and spilled some flour down the front of his robe, though he seemed to neither notice nor care.

"Making us pancakes", he replied simply with a grin after getting over his initial shock.

Remus didn't move, eyes fixed on one of his dearest friends, an intense internal struggle going on within him as this seemingly menial, insignificant act threatened to undo him and his new resolve.

He needed to tell Sirius about him having to go stay at his own place..._he's trying to make me pancakes even though he can't cook for shit and it frustrates him_...and he had to make it absolutely clear that...o_h and he's made such a mess with the flour; it's everywhere and there's even a smudge on his cheek_...he had to make something clear to Sirius about him having to go somewhere and he didn't need help anymore and..._why is he adding another egg? You only need one for pancakes_...and something about him being an adult and looking after himself..._another egg; this man really has no idea_...and he didn't need something that he couldn't seem to remember right now..._he's trying so hard to get this right; he's trying to do something for me_...and he was supposed to be telling Sirius something but he couldn't remember what exactly anymore but by God, Sirius was trying to make pancakes with four eggs, a shitload of flour and a cup of water and that was much more important than whatever he had to say before.

"Here, let me do it. Go take a shower", he said finally, giving into himself and moving forward to take the bowl from Sirius, subconsciously flushing his new resolution down the toilet for good.

Sirius shook his head and held the bowl away, frowning, "No, I can make the pancakes".

Remus smiled, "That's not pancakes, Sirius, that's glue. Now let me finish it and go take a shower; you look like shit".

"Well, good morning to you too", Sirius grumbled but he complied, handing over the bowl and heading for the bathroom. Remus watched his retreating back and stayed in the same position long after Sirius had closed the bathroom door behind him. He knew now that he would never actually end up telling Sirius about his resolution and he couldn't figure out how that made him feel.

It seemed to be that Sirius was one of his worst weaknesses and he just couldn't say no to him. He had always known this, of course, but now, as he stood in his tiny kitchen holding a bowl full of what looked like thick vomit, he realised that this weakness was more than he'd always thought it was. He couldn't say no to him not because they were best friends and it wasn't because he didn't want to argue; he couldn't say no because every time he looked into those icy blue eyes, they took the air from his lungs and around him and all he could think was that he would offer up the world to them if he could. Disturbed slightly by the depth of his feelings and unwilling to think about them any further, Remus shook his head and tipped out the slop in the bowl into the bin. He started the pancakes afresh and finished cooking them just as Sirius got out of the shower.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The next three weeks passed quite uneventfully.

Sirius was still staying at Remus' apartment but neither had broached the topic of when he would move back to his own place, and it didn't look like it would be happening any time soon as most of his clothes had ended up at Remus' apartment now anyway. He also still slept in the same bed, always falling asleep curled up as a dog but often Remus would wake up to find the man sleeping next to him, although he never commented on this. He was grateful for the company during the nights, though he was loathe to admit it, as the nightmare still came back occasionally. Some nights he would find himself surrounded by the darkness, choking on it as it poured into his lungs, unable to breathe and then the pain – that terrible pain – would engulf him and threaten to tear him apart, but then he would wake up to Sirius who was always right there beside him with those beautiful concerned eyes and somewhat awkward but warming embrace. Now Remus accepted the comfort he gave without protest but still not completely without shame. Often guilt would creep in too as he lay in his best friend's arms after waking up from the terror of that nightmare, listening to the slow rhythmic breathing and breathing in the smell of Sirius which he had gotten so used to that it had begun to feel like home. He would tell himself time and time again that Sirius was one of his best friends and that he shouldn't think about him in such a way, but somehow Sirius always managed to make those thoughts disappear with just one smile or even one little glance. He knew he was getting in way too deep and that something would have to happen soon to distance them again, but he couldn't help but want to fall deeper. There was just something about Sirius that...that just...every time he saw him, heard him, touched him or smelt him...he felt like he had come home and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. It was stupid and mad, Remus knew, but he couldn't help it, so he managed to convince himself that he felt this way because Sirius reminded him of the times when he was most happy – in Hogwarts with his best friends.

That was obviously the answer to it all. He was absolutely NOT beginning to look at Sirius as more than a friend. Absolutely not.

()()()

Remus sat in his chair, unmoving and face unreadable. He was almost unnaturally still and his face was impassive, eyes unseeing as he strove not to let his emotions show.

_Keep it cool._

A sudden noise from behind him made him jump, his face showing his surprise for a moment before he quickly regained his poise.

"Professor", Remus greeted the Headmaster of Hogwarts politely, standing up to shake his hand.

Blue eyes twinkled in a smile at him in return.

"It has been many years since I have been your professor. I promise you will not be given a detention for calling me Albus, Remus".

Remus allowed himself a small smile and nodded, sitting back in the comfortable chair at Dumbledore's indication. He carefully studied the polished surface of the Headmaster's desk, avoiding the penetrating gaze he knew was directed at him, only looking up when he heard Dumbledore sit in the chair on the other side of the desk.

"I'm sorry for not reporting sooner but there were a few things I needed to sort out", Remus began stiffly. This report had been due two weeks ago but he hadn't been able to bring himself to face Dumbledore – he'd needed to sort out what exactly he was going to tell him and what he was going to keep to himself. That is – if he found that he _could_ keep anything from his old Headmaster.

"That's quite alright; I'm sure your reasons were good ones. Is everything sorted now then?" Dumbledore asked, looking over steepled fingertips at his former student.

Caught off guard a little by the unexpected question, Remus gaped for a moment before replying much too hastily, "Yes, everything is fine". He realised a second too late how forced and fake his reply had sounded but he couldn't take it back so he sat in an uncomfortable silence, waiting for Dumbledore's reaction. After a couple more moments of prolonged silence, he looked up and unwittingly met the bright blue gaze that cut right through his mask with unsympathetic ease.

_Damn it – he sees through everything._

He looked away again, relieved when Dumbledore broke the silence.

"Is there any news of plans concerning Voldemort's recruits?"

Remus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, relieved that the Headmaster had chosen to not comment on his unease.

"No, there's not much. He seems to be focused on simply recruiting more werewolves to do his dirty work, but he's also stopped ordering Death Eater's to oversee the meetings. I don't know why but the other werewolves seem happier about it".

"And the werewolves you told me about last month, do you think they would consider joining us and leaving the pack".

Remus hesitated, thinking carefully, "Maybe but I think they need a little more time".

Dumbledore nodded, lowering his gaze to look at his desk, seemingly deep in thought.

"And how are you recovering? Well, I hope", he inquired after many long moments, still looking down at his desk.

Remus gaped, unsure what to say for the second time in only five minutes.

_Surely he could not know. How could he?_

Remus continued to stare dumbly at the old wizard across from him until the penetrating blue eyes met his.

"What do...I don't...".

"I have known you for some time, my dear boy, and I've known your friends for some time too. I can tell when something is not right".

"You...but still...my friends?", Remus' eyes narrowed as his mind started to click, "Did Sirius say something?"

"He didn't have to", Dumbledore replied gently, looking with sympathy at the worried man across from him, "Sirius cares about you very much and he wants to help you so much that what he wanted to say showed on his face, but he did not tell me anything except that the last full moon was a bad one. I assume this is because you asked him not to tell me anything".

Remus felt his face redden and he sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. How did he ever think that he could actually hide something from Albus Dumbledore?

"Yes, I asked him not to say anything", he admitted quietly, "But what happened...it won't happen again and I do not intend to let what happened control what I do. I wish to continue my work for the Order in the way I have been, I will simply be more careful the next time I go back".

Remus looked up at Dumbledore who was observing him carefully.

"The decision is yours", he agreed after some time, "But do not forget that your actions and decisions affect not only yourself but all those who care about you".

Remus considered the words for a minute before nodding and standing up.

"I won't forget; sometimes it's just difficult to believe", he confessed with a small smile.

Dumbledore also stood, walking his former student to the door of his office as he seemed to consider his next words very carefully.

"Understandable, but realise that he cares about you too much for you to go on not believing".

Remus froze for a few seconds, stunned by the words. As they replayed themselves in his head he found he could move and he turned around sharply, hardly daring to believe what he'd heard but his shocked look was only answered with a polite, "Until next month, Remus. Take care".

The door closed behind him and Remus was left standing in the hall with some very thought-provoking questions running around in his head.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Remus closed the front door behind him and leaned against it, allowing his head to tip back and rest on the flimsy wood. Curse Dumbledore and his unwanted insight. Pfft, as if he didn't know who he was talking about when he'd said, _"He cares about you too much for you to go on not believing"._

How suitably vague, if only he didn't think about the person every minute of the day he might actually have had to think for a second or two to figure out who this mystery person was. Hahaha.

Scowling, Remus pushed himself off the door with much effort and slouched his way into the kitchen, needing a strong cup of tea more than anything in the world. Instead, he found Sirius sitting at the table, scribbling away on a piece of parchment in front of him. He glanced up and flashed him a distracted smile, then continued writing. Remus watched him for a few moments, observing the way the quill danced across the paper, leaving a messy scrawl in its wake that served as Sirius' barely legible handwriting, and smiling subconsciously at the way Sirius' brow creased in a frown as he concentrated on what he was writing. Shaking his head at himself, Remus looked away quickly, pointing his wand at the kettle so it began boiling instantly, ready for some much needed tea. Sirius finished writing, getting to his feet as he rolled the piece of parchment and attached it to the leg of a waiting owl. After watching the owl depart, he wandered over to the bench, rested his elbows on it and fixed Remus with a purposeful stare. Remus glanced up and raised his eyebrows in question, to which Sirius explained, "Well, how'd it go then?"

Knowing that he was talking about his report to Dumbledore, Remus' hands faltered slightly as he poured the boiling water into a cup and almost spilled it. This, of course, did not go unnoticed by Sirius, Remus knew by the frown that briefly creased his brow but it went unmentioned.

"Fine", Remus replied evenly.

Sirius was silent for a long moment and Remus could feel the intense blue gaze, both similar and unlike Dumbledore's, focused on his face.

"You're going to go back next full moon, aren't you?"

Remus looked up in surprise at the frustration and anger in Sirius' tone but he had no doubt about what Sirius was talking about.

"Yes, they'll notice if I'm not there".

It was true. The werewolves would be watching for him to see if he had accepted the beating he'd received and therefore his place in the pack. If he was absent, they would take it as him leaving the pack and he would not be welcome back anytime soon and he was needed there as a spy for the Order on what the werewolves were up to. But Sirius didn't seem to see that at the moment as his face twisted in frustration.

"Merlin, Remus! When are you going to realise that they're going to end up killing you?"

Remus looked away, unable to really feel the anger that was stirring lazily in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to be angry at Sirius, wanted to shout at him and tell him that he was being too goddamn overprotective and to let him make his own decisions but he just couldn't.

"_Do not forget that your actions and decisions affect not only yourself but all those who care about you"._

He flinched as Dumbledore's words came back and hit him with full force.

"Sirius", Remus sighed, trying to reason with his old friend, "I have to do this, it's important for the Order. Werewolves are too dangerous for us to be oblivious to their plans".

"Well, you've got that right: werewolves _are_ too dangerous. So why are you the one that has to sacrifice yourself each month and risk your life like this?"

"Because I'm the only one that _can_, Sirius", Remus snapped, "And I _am_ a werewolf; I'm as dangerous as they are. Wake up – I'm one of them".

"No, you're not!", Sirius shouted, banging his hand down on the bench in anger, surprising Remus into silence, "You're _not_ one of them. They _hate_ and that's all they do. They destroy and kill and hate and they don't fight what they become each month. They accept it as the shit that life dealt them and they think that it means they were born to do these horrible things so they work for Him. But you could never do that; you may be a werewolf but you're not a monster and don't you ever, ever again think that being a werewolf makes you one of them".

The kitchen went silent.

Remus gaped at Sirius in shock for a few very long moments. He didn't know what to say or how to answer such an unexpected proclamation, so he fell back on his old argument, saying in a faltering voice, "I have to do this, only a werewolf can be accepted into their pack and I'm the only one".

"Don't tell me", Sirius snarled, "That with all of Dumbledore's great intelligence and _brilliance,_ that he can't get another person to spy on them".

"And what's the difference? What would be the point? Either way, someone has to do it so why shouldn't it be me and not someone else?" Remus argued, hating the way his voice was rising.

"Because they're not you! You're...I...", Sirius froze, eyes wide and glazed over and mouth agape.

Remus waited but Sirius couldn't seem to finish his sentence. He just stood there, looking at Remus with a strange look in his eyes as if he was seeing him for the first time, as if he'd just realised something astounding. He stood there for so long that Remus felt his anger slipping away and confusion took its place.

"Sirius? What is it?", he inquired softly.

Sirius seemed to snap out of whatever it was and Remus was surprised and confused to see a faint flush rising over Sirius' cheeks but he didn't have long to ponder on it because Sirius looked away sharply and scowled.

"Do what you want. I just never thought that I'd see the day where I'd be the one trying to convince you not to do something stupid and you'd be the one being a stubborn arse".

Taken aback by the sudden end to the argument, Remus watched with a sinking feeling in his stomach as Sirius strode out of the kitchen and he flinched as the finality of the sound of the front door slamming felt like a punch to his gut.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sorry for the slightly angsty chapter (I hate angst more than I hate corniness) but I promise it doesn't last long :) Please tell me if it sucks! Or if it doesn't. Or if it does a bit and then doesn't...Oh please just let me know what you think! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Remus couldn't sleep.

He lay on his back, staring at the cracked paint on the ceiling and wondered how his bed seemed so cold and empty when it had been perfectly cozy a month ago. He sighed. Sirius hadn't come back since they'd had the argument that day and it was now almost midnight. He'd tried to go to sleep, tried with all his might but there was something missing, something warm, and it had been replaced with a solid cold feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Remus scowled up at the ceiling.

Curse Sirius and how effectively he managed to make people miss him. He used to do quite alright by himself, Remus reflected bitterly, but since Sirius had begun staying with him it seemed that he couldn't even sleep without him. He sighed again but this time he added a whispered, "Stupid Sirius".

Of course, it wasn't Sirius' fault that Remus had begun to depend on his presence but Remus couldn't help but think that if Sirius had just gone home that first night then maybe everything could have gone back to normal and he wouldn't be in this dilemma. He could go on believing that his feelings for Sirius were strictly friendly and Sirius would never have showed how deeply he cared which made Remus feel strange and guilty inside. Sirius definitely cared about him, that much was clear, and all those things he'd said about him not being like other werewolves made Remus want to smile. Somehow Sirius always managed to make him feel human and, although James and Peter certainly didn't make him feel like a monster, only Sirius had the ability to make him feel normal and even, dare he think it, special...but in a good way.

Remus shut his eyes.

He needed to stop thinking about him, he needed to go to sleep and tomorrow he would find Sirius and find a way to fix this – how, he didn't know, but he would find a way. He had to.

Suddenly there was a sound from the hall. The front door had opened and closed quietly and someone was walking slowly towards the bedroom.

Remus froze. He knew those footsteps: it was Sirius.

He was torn between wanting to sit up to face him and just staying frozen as he was but the choice was decided for him as his body refused to respond and he heard the bedroom door being pushed open. He could feel Sirius' eyes on him and he fought to slow his thumping heart and breathing and tried not to let his eyelids flicker. He heard no movement from the other side of the room for what felt like an age and he could feel his act starting to slip and felt his eyes move under his lids. Finally, Sirius moved but the footsteps sounded different – lighter and much softer. Remus was confused for a moment before realising it was simply Sirius in animagus form and this theory was confirmed as he felt something heavy, but not heavy enough to be a grown man, climb onto the bed. He almost jumped as he felt a wet nose snuffling at one of his closed eyes and fought back a laugh as the whiskers and hair tickled his face. The nose disappeared and it was silent for a moment before a low, quiet whine reverberated through the thick air and Remus' urge to laugh quickly dissipated – Sirius sounded almost...desperate, unsure. Then the nose was back but this time it was nudging against his cheek and Remus realised that Sirius wanted him to 'wake up'. He allowed his eyes to open slowly and looked up at the dark form of the hairy dog who was looking down at him with an expression that simply screamed, "I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to make you forgive me".

He looked lost.

Remus frowned in confusion which wasn't helped by Sirius letting out another whine, this one longer and more pitiful than the last. He knew that look; he'd seen it on Sirius' face a few times in his lifetime but he didn't understand what he was trying to apologise for – he hadn't done anything wrong.

"What are you so sorry about?", he asked softly, reaching up to scratch the dog's neck. Sirius' intense gaze softened at the touch but he allowed himself only a few moments of the soothing touch before leaning down and after a second of hesitation, licked Remus' cheek with his rough canine tongue. Remus smiled in question at Sirius, trying not to think about how different that gesture might have been had Sirius been in human form. Sirius' ears moved back and he huffed, frustrated that Remus had not understood.

"Just _tell_ me what's bothering you", Remus replied, exasperated with his friend's antics. Sirius seemed to consider that for a moment before sighing and lying down next to Remus, resting his head on his shoulder and looking up into his face. Remus looked down into the big brown eyes that were filled with unspoken words, so unlike the usual icy blue and yet instantly recognisable as Sirius' eyes. How could he not forgive him when he used the big puppy dog eyes on him? (Even though he still didn't know exactly what he was forgiving him for).

"Well, whatever it is that you did, you're forgiven for it. So you can stop with the puppy dog eyes now", Remus told him firmly, stroking Sirius' head with the hand that wasn't pinned under a pile of hairy dog. Sirius' eyes brightened immediately and Remus heard the familiar _thump thump_, of a wagging tail. He smiled down at the head resting half on his chest, half on his shoulder. The weight of the warm body was comforting and the feel of the soft warmth beneath his hand soothing as he continued to stroke the dog's head, unable to rid himself of the image of what this scene would look like had Sirius been in his human form. The image of himself stroking Sirius' silky black hair as the man lay with his head on his shoulder and chest, looking right at each other, faces only inches apart...

Remus mentally shook himself and firmly told himself that this was a DOG right now and that things were completely different when Sirius was a dog; gestures that may have been intimate, even weird, had they both been humans, were completely normal between man and dog. He was quite sure that he would never scratch Sirius' belly when he was human, anyway. Remus smirked at the thought but it went unnoticed by Sirius who was fast falling asleep under Remus' soothing ministrations. Remus found himself also drifting off, his movements slowing until they stopped completely and he simply rested his hand in the warm hair that was warming his bones. Their argument during the day forgotten, he fell asleep, unaware that Sirius' eyes had opened again and that he was watching him with a strange, unreadable expression on his canine features.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Remus glanced around the large clearing, avoiding eye contact as he quickly guessed the number of people there. Roughly fifty werewolves, all restlessly fidgeting and occasionally flicking their gazes towards that darkening sky. Remus also turned his eyes to the sky. The sky was getting steadily darker but the sun had not yet reached the horizon. Remus grimaced. He could feel the curious pull on his body, as if he were attached to the moon by a wire and some malicious monster was tugging on it sharply. His insides and bones ached and burned and his head pounded painfully. He knew the transformation would be soon.

"Remus?"

He turned sharply at the familiar voice and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was just Reggie.

Since he'd joined the pack, he found that there were two sides to the pack: one side consisted of the werewolves who embraced their lycanthropy and allowed the wolf full reign over their lives, and the other side consisted of werewolves who resented their lycanthropy but saw Voldemort as their only option. Life was complicated for werewolves, Remus thought sadly; you either had to accept being a monster, or fight it and be rejected by the non-werewolf society and werewolves. Those who still fought but joined the pack had done it out of desperation for somewhere to belong, to be accepted somewhere and to find people who could understand. Remus knew this feeling well, though it was less intense for him because he had such understanding, loving friends. Most werewolves, however, found it very difficult to find people who were as accepting and kind; people who treated werewolves with kindness and as equals were quite rare. So, although a large number of the werewolves did not wholly agree with Voldemort, they joined because he offered them the respect of an ally. It was a sad situation, Remus reflected thoughtfully as he greeted Reggie with a half-smile and a nod. She was one of those werewolves who was in that situation and he had somewhat befriended her along with some others who were of a like mind. Now she looked at him with a hint of concern; she had seen him disapparate last month looking barely alive – frankly, she was surprised to see him upright and able this month.

"Are you okay? You looked pretty bad last month".

Remus nodded, unwilling to elaborate and she seemed to sense it because she dropped the subject.

She came to sit next to him on the log he was sitting on and they were joined a moment later by her older brother and two other werewolves Remus knew.

"Do you know what we're doing tonight?", Sean, Reggie's brother, asked quickly, his gaze sweeping the clearing nervously.

"I heard the Death Eaters want us to patrol around a village near here", Reggie answered looking at her brother curiously.

"Well, what they didn't tell you", Sean replied, looking at them all intensely, his voice shaking with anger, "is that we're to leave the children for the Death Eaters to take but to leave no one over the age of seven alive. It's a massacre".

Reggie and Remus stared at him in shock.

"That can't be true", Remus finally managed to choke out.

"We heard it right from a Death Eater's mouth", Cyrus, one of the other two werewolves, said quietly, his eyes flashing in barely contained fury, "I just overheard him telling Myra the plans for this full moon".

"But they told us we wouldn't be attacking innocent people", Reggie hissed furiously, her eyes wide in shock.

"They lied. They _lied_ to us", Sean spat, "But we won't do it. I've already sent the word around to those who won't want to attack innocent people and we're going to refuse".

Remus glanced around at the clearing again and focused on the people. Many were huddled in groups, looking as if they were having intense discussions and they all had one thing in common – they looked furious. When they had agreed to join, most werewolves had been told they would not harm innocent people and that they were to simply intimidate people. They had been deceived and they were outraged. Remus turned back to Sean whose greenish-blue eyes were flashing dangerously as he too glanced around at his fellow werewolves.

"But what can we do? We have no control over what we do once we transform", Remus said, all five of them briefly glancing up at the sky at his words. It was getting darker and time was running out.

Sean leaned forward to speak in a whisper, "We can run. Before we transform we can apparate to a different place, somewhere where we can't hurt anyone".

Remus simply stared at him, torn by indecision.

He had to either stay with the other werewolves and kill innocent people but also remain a valuable spy for the Order, or he could run and not hurt anyone but he would then be unable to return and act as a spy; he would be seen as a traitor. Another problem was that by leaving, they would not ensure the villagers' safety; the other werewolves would be in no way inhibited by their absence as their ferocity could make up for the drop in numbers. People would still die and Remus didn't think he could go through with either plan knowing that no matter what he did, people would die tonight.

"Myra will still attack the village though", he replied, referring to the leader of the pack, "The people will still die".

He felt four pairs of eyes on him and he squirmed internally though he kept his gaze firm and face impassive.

Sean stared at him intensely for a couple of seconds before saying quietly, "There's nothing we can do. There is no way to stop Myra".

They were silent for a few moments before the other of the two werewolves, Eddie, said quietly, "But Lupin is right. I didn't think of that; that they would still attack the people. If we leave we won't be doing any good. We'll be nothing more than cowards".

"Cowards?", Sean hissed furiously, turning to him, "So it's cowardly to not want to kill people?"

"No", Remus replied softly, "It's cowardly to stand back and let it happen".

No one said anything for a few very long moments but then Reggie spoke up in a shaky voice.

"He's right. We can't let this happen; we have to do something and I think I have an idea of what we can do".

They all looked to her, listening carefully as she hastily told them of her plan, all of them keeping a watchful eye on the steadily darkening sky.

OOOOOOOOO

Remus strained his ears for any sound that might have announced someone's arrival. The forest was silent except for the squeaking of some woodland creature far away and the quiet chirping of a bird. He continued his task, frowning in concentration as he cast the myriad of complicated spells he had been assigned. These were quite advanced and he was suddenly immensely grateful that he liked to read so much otherwise he would have been quite lost and, as none of the other werewolves knew how to cast these spells, the plan would have been a failure.

Reggie's plan was good, the best they had, but Remus still wondered if it would really work. What they planned to happen was as the transformed werewolves approached the village, a confundus charm would be triggered by their presence and the werewolves would stop in confusion. Such simple charms didn't last long on werewolves, but it would stop them for just enough time for the silver cage to be dropped over them. This was the difficult part. Somehow, Remus had to make the cage materialise from thin air, triggered by the werewolves' presence, then get it to transfigure to fit around all of the werewolves no matter where they were, put an anti-detection and silencing charm on it and he only had about ten minutes.

Finally, he finalised the finishing touches and looked up at the sky, barely visible through the thick upper canopy. The sun was fast disappearing and the full moon would show her face soon. He started to make his way back to the clearing to tell Reggie, Sean and the others that he managed to do it and then they would apparate away from the clearing and into the Dark Forest where they wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. They had made a deal with the other werewolves who were apparating with them to meet up before the next full moon to decide on whether they would join Dumbledore and give him their loyalty. It had been Remus' suggestion and he was sure that he could really convince them to become allies with the Order; most were stung enough by Voldemort's deceit to want to oppose him and seek the help of his enemy. Remus was just glad that although he could no longer spy on the werewolves for the Order, he might be able to provide them with some very valuable allies. Maybe they had done some good tonight.

He was almost back at the clearing when he heard something. He froze, straining his werewolf hearing to try and find where it was coming from. He closed his eyes and tried to sense his surroundings using all of his five advanced senses. There it was again – in front of him and to the right, a werewolf. He opened his eyes to see a man emerge from between two trees. He had seen him in the pack meetings before but he had never talked to him as he was one of those who took pride in being a werewolf and Remus found those people thoroughly disturbing. He nodded at the man, attempting to look perfectly innocent, as if he'd just been for a quick piss and had not just been sabotaging their attempt at a mass massacre and kidnapping. He wasn't sure if it had worked because the man didn't say anything to him but he stopped and lifted his head slightly and Remus knew he was being scented. He stopped as was considered proper procedure for a werewolf when being scented and waited for the verdict. His guilt couldn't be smelt because it simply smelled of fear and most werewolves feared the transformation anyway. The man paused for another moment, then nodded and Remus quickly continued back to the clearing, not entirely convinced that the man thought he was innocent because there had been a strange look on his face when he'd turned away, but as long as he got back to the clearing it wouldn't matter. He reached the clearing and paused, looking around before stepping out calmly and casually. He saw Reggie and Sean and made his way over to them, standing between them and whispering as naturally as he could, "It's done".

"No problems?", Reggie inquired calmly, not looking at Remus pointedly so it didn't look too much like a conspiracy. The girl wasn't very good at subtlety, Remus mused amusedly.

"None", he answered quietly, glancing around at the werewolves they stood with, all on their side and listening carefully. Then he glanced at Sean to see him looking at him strangely, an unreadable expression on his face. He raised his eyebrows in question.

"You smell different this moon", Sean concluded softly at Remus' questioning look.

"What kind of different?", Remus asked, genuinely perplexed.

Sean paused, glinting eyes narrowing as he said carefully, "Like someone else. You've gotten close to someone", Sean's eyes flashed, "and he's not a werewolf".

Remus froze.

_Ah, shit._

He had been afraid that this would happen. He knew he shouldn't have kept allowing Sirius to sleep in the same bed; werewolves had a heightened sense of smell and they would be able to tell if someone was closer than a friend or not. Although, he and Sirius _were_ just friends...

"He – he's just a friend", Remus said firmly, his heart thumping madly as he felt many pairs of intense werewolf eyes suddenly focused on him.

Sean's eyes narrowed further and he looked as if he was going to say something but Reggie interrupted, "Is now really the best time, guys?"

Sean caught her irritated gaze, intense greenish-blue eyes a mirror of his own, and he said no more. Remus averted his gaze from the other's faces, avoiding eye contact which wasn't difficult as it was almost time for the transformation to begin. The werewolves who were planning to attack the village were readying themselves, removing their clothing and dumping them in piles so they wouldn't be ruined when they transformed. The other werewolves, Remus included, followed suit. They had to apparate right before the transformation and not too soon or the other werewolves would be able to alert the Death Eaters to their disappearance and betrayal, after which they would be tracked down and killed. This way, the Death Eaters would be unaware of the betrayal until days after the full moon and they would be able to hide by then. Remus folded his clothes nervously but he did not put them on the ground and neither did his fellow 'traitors': they would bring them with them to the Dark Forest, but none of the other werewolves noticed this small display of absurdity.

Then it was time.

He could feel his insides shaking violently; the first sign of an impending transformation, and he knew his fellow werewolves were in the same state. It was time to go. Simultaneously, they turned on the spot, the peculiar sensation of apparation mixing strangely with the feeling of transforming. Then there was cold soil beneath his feet and everything was dark around him and he fell to his knees. He dropped his clothes as his body shook all over and the ache of his bones intensified to the familiar tearing, all-consuming pain that made him roar in pain. He thought he heard similar roars and cries of pain in the distance but his mind was unable to process the thought as he was completely engulfed by the blinding fire racing through his veins, inflaming his body until he knew no more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Sirius picked up his cup of coffee but quickly put it back down without drinking any. He walked over to the window and walked back, barely glancing outside. He flicked his wand at the kettle to boil the water even though it had been boiled five minutes ago. He walked to the front door and opened it slightly but, seeing nothing unusual, closed it again.

_Where are you?_

Sirius strode back to the window and looked out at the cold, dead buildings as the sun slowly rose, but he didn't really see anything.

Remus was out there.

He was probably cold and alone and Sirius was powerless to help him. What if something had happened to him? Maybe he was unable to apparate or maybe he was hurt and unconscious or maybe... He folded his arms across his chest as if to protect himself from such thoughts. Remus had made the transformation many times before and had made it out of countless difficult situations; he would be safe. It only seemed like it was taking him so long to get back because Sirius had been waiting all night. He hadn't slept – he couldn't sleep. The knowledge that Remus was out there with the werewolves – the same ones that had almost killed him last month – doing god knows what, weighed heavily on Sirius' mind and consumed his thoughts. He couldn't relax, he couldn't stop thinking about it and yet, in the back of his mind he knew that Remus would still come through that door, shaky and tired, but wonderfully alive. And he would look at him with those eyes – those amazing eyes – and everything would be alright again.

Sirius allowed himself a small, barely visible smile at the thought and relaxed slightly.

He'd only noticed the effects Remus had on him recently. He'd known they were close friends and that friends usually made each other feel comfortable and content but it was only a couple of days ago that he realized how intense his feelings really were. He'd always assumed that what he felt for Remus was what all close friends felt towards each other, but the events of the last month forced him to question that assumption. He couldn't ever imagine wanting to run his hands through James' or Peter's hair, or wanting to touch their skin, to feel it against his own and he cringed at the thought of getting as physically close to them as he sometimes got to Moony. It would just be..._weird_. James and Peter weren't like that; Remus was somehow, different. And he couldn't explain how, he'd tried to the other day when he'd had the argument with Remus but he couldn't get his words to sound right. They kept sounding awkward and weird, like "Because they're not you! You're different", or, "Because they're not you! I need you". But then he realized that what he wanted to say could never really be said, especially not directly to Remus. It was too strange.

A sound came from the front door and Sirius jumped, unaware that he had been lost in thought. The sound came again, a sort of thump but quieter this time, and Sirius rushed towards the door, pulling it open without thinking to find out who it was first. There stood Remus, leaning heavily against the hall wall, looking shaky and exhausted but that was no different to any of the other days after a transformation. Sirius quickly wrapped Remus' arm around his shoulder and supported him as he stumbled into the apartment. He helped him to a chair, heart pounding and pulse racing in relief to find his friend alive and largely unhurt.

"You're okay? Are you hurt anywhere?", Sirius looked into Remus' groggy eyes anxiously. A shake of Remus' head was his reply but Sirius still glanced him over for any sign of injury but he couldn't see any which, for some reason, seemed to make breathing a lot easier. He looked back up to Remus' eyes to see them starting to close as he swayed on the kitchen chair. Sirius knew that he was just tired and needed plenty of sleep but the sight still alarmed him.

"Do you need anything? Dreamless sleeping potion, pain relief potion – anything?"

Remus shook his head again but mumbled something that sounded like, "Need...Dumbledore...write", and before Sirius knew it, Remus had gotten to his feet and was wandering drunkenly over to the master bedroom. He jumped up and followed him, wondering what was happening; usually all Remus wanted the morning after the full moon was healing potions and sleep – lots of sleep. Remus sank into the bed and rummaged about in the bedside drawer for a few moments before withdrawing, holding a piece of parchment, a quill and small pot of ink. Sirius watched as he scribbled a couple of sentences onto the paper, his handwriting unusually spidery and messy because of his badly shaking hands, and took the folded parchment when it was given to him with a mumbled request of, "Dumbledore". Sirius nodded and left the room to send the short but apparently urgent letter to the Headmaster of Hogwarts, returning to find Remus, not asleep as he fully expected, but sitting up and apparently thinking intensely.

"Moony, aren't you tired?", Sirius inquired curiously, wondering what was going on with his old friend. Remus jumped as if he hadn't known that Sirius was there.

"Yes, just thinking", came the vague reply.

"Well, is it about the werewolves? What happened last night?", Sirius asked, coming to sit next to him on the bed.

Remus smiled at him; a genuine, happy and somewhat relieved, smile and said tiredly, "Some of the werewolves might be joining the Order".

Sirius gaped at him.

"Really? How'd you manage that?"

Remus' smile widened and he said,"Well, some of them really are good people and I guess they couldn't take it anymore", but at Sirius' expectant look he added with a shake of his head, "I'll explain it all later".

"But what if the other werewolves find out it was you?", he pressed worriedly.

"Doesn't matter; can't go back, it was a mutiny thing", Remus mumbled, his eyelids starting to droop again but he fought to keep them open.

"You-you can't go back?", Sirius exclaimed, hardly daring to believe the words. Remus nodded and Sirius felt a smile creep onto his face. Remus would be safe, he'd be safe from murderous, sadistic werewolves and he wouldn't be forced to be with them, to feel like one of them. He'd be okay.

Remus caught sight of the wide grin on his friend's face and smiled back, amused by the open joy on Sirius' face.

"This is great, Moony! This is brilliant! You don't have to go back, you'll be safe".

Then without thinking, and overjoyed by the good news, Sirius threw his arms around Remus and embraced him. Remus hesitated and stiffened for a moment before returning the embrace warmly, wrapping his arms comfortably around Sirius' back and smiling contentedly at the comforting warmth of Sirius' body. Sirius held onto him tightly for another moment before reluctantly drawing away to look into Remus' face, his eyes bright with relief and joy. His hands came to rest on his shoulders and then his wide smile faltered. His face was mere inches from Remus' and he could see that the brown eyes were unusually bright, a montage of multiple shades of brown and hazel. Perhaps the sunrise rays streaming through the window were playing tricks on him, or Remus' eyes were actually getting a lighter shade of brown as he smiled softly at him, more relaxed than he'd seen him in a while. He felt himself drifting closer and knew that he shouldn't, knew that he should move away now before he did something they would both regret; he should leave Remus to sleep and go sort his thoughts out and calm down, but instead he found himself being pulled deeper into those eyes and he continued to move closer, unable to control his own body. Their noses were millimeters apart and still Remus did not pull away but continued to stare at him with that intense gaze and uncertain smile which was quickly fading as Sirius moved closer. Sirius knew that he shouldn't, knew that this would jeopardize their friendship and that thought made him hesitate for a moment before his subconscious will took over and he hastily leaned forward, pressing his lips to Remus'.

Tingles raced through him, bringing him to life, livening his muscles and mind and he found himself pressing closer, amazed at how good Remus' lips felt and how intensely he wanted more. But Remus was frozen and unmoving, not resisting but not encouraging either and Sirius started to feel his senses coming back. He pulled away quickly and took his hands from Remus' shoulders, dropping his gaze.

_Merlin, what have I done?_

"Remus, I'm sorry. I don't-", he made to apologize but two cool hands suddenly tilted his head upwards and warm lips silenced him. Remus' kiss was intense and fierce, tired though he was, and Sirius was defenseless against it. He melted as Remus' scalding tongue coaxed his mouth open and felt his insides tremble as their tongues met. The world was fading around him, there was only Remus, that beautiful mouth and those burning eyes. He brought his hands up to thread them through Remus' hair, gripping the soft hair at the nape of his neck, trying to ground himself as he felt himself slipping away, losing his mind in the myriad of feelings coursing through his body. Remus' tongue was in his mouth, tasting him, entwining with his own and making his head light. He wanted more, wanted to be devoured, consumed by Remus and it looked as if that was going to happen as Remus pressed even closer, but then he pulled away and it all disappeared.

"What are we doing?", Remus gasped, eyes wide in shock as he pulled away sharply.

"I'm sorry, I thought-", Sirius began, confused and feeling thoroughly rejected, and not to mention annoyed, but Remus interrupted him.

"No, it wasn't you, it was me. I kissed you", Remus got to his feet quickly and tried to pace the room but he was too exhausted and groggy.

"_I_ kissed _you_", he repeated, looking at Sirius in shock as if he couldn't believe what he was saying, "Why did I do that? Why?".

He began pacing again as much as he could and didn't look at Sirius as if he were talking to himself, "They're going to know, they're going to find out and who knows what they'll do? What if they don't join the Order because of this?"

"Moony", Sirius attempted to break the mantra, unable to comprehend any of what had happened in the last ten minutes. He was beginning to wonder if perhaps he had fallen asleep after all and was dreaming one of those dreams that start out as the best thing ever and then can't decide whether to turn itself into a nightmare or not.

"...all those months, all that work and now I've thrown it all away".

"Moony", Sirius tried again, a little louder this time, before getting to his feet and moving towards the oblivious Remus.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid! What am I going to do? What if they-"

"Moony!", Sirius shouted, relieved when Remus stopped and turned to look at him as if he'd only just noticed he was there.

"What on earth are you talking about?", he asked softly, wanting desperately to make sense of it all.

"The werewolves, they'll reject me if they think I'm too close to someone who's not a werewolf. It's against their laws".

"But I thought you left".

"I did, but some of these werewolves don't like it either".

"So", Sirius paused, thinking carefully and trying to calm his racing pulse down, "Is that all that you're worried about?"

"What do you mean, is that all I'm worried about? Of course I'm worried about that; if they find out and are still against it, they might not join the Order and they may even come after you or me".

"I thought you said they were good people", Sirius countered.

Remus frowned, hesitating and thinking carefully before answering him, "They are but they're also proud people. There is no way to know how they would react. They might come after you, Sirius; you could get hurt and I couldn't live with that, knowing that you'd gotten hurt because of me".

"I don't care if I get hurt and would you stop already with the whole 'I'm too dangerous' thing? I've known you for more than eleven years now and I've been running around with you every full moon for a long time; don't you think I'd have already run away by now if I thought you were that dangerous?"

Remus stared at him, seemingly dumbfounded by his words for a couple of long moments before lowering his gaze and beginning in a calm, quiet voice, as if trying to reason with an upset child, "Sirius, you don't un-", but Sirius interrupted him.

"But I do understand. I understand that you're the only person I've wanted for years", Remus looked at him sharply in disbelief but Sirius continued, wanting to say it all before he lost his nerve, "and now you're saying the only reason that we can't do this is because some stupid, fucked up, stick-up-their-arse werewolves won't like it. Aren't you sick of letting them tell you what you can and can't do, letting them control your life?"

Remus just stared at him. Sirius didn't know whether it was his confession about wanting him or realisation that the werewolves were indeed controlling his life, but Remus seemed struck by something and didn't seem to be able to move or speak.

"Come on, answer me, Moony", Sirius pleaded, his confidence and nerve starting to melt away, "Don't tell me I've been alone in feeling like this".

He thought that maybe Remus would look away, let him down gently or maybe even bolt from the room but he wasn't expecting to be pulled forward by the front of his robes and have his lips devoured in a hungry kiss. No, he wasn't expecting that but he certainly wasn't complaining about it.

Taken aback by the unexpected action, Sirius froze for a moment before melting and wrapping his arms around Remus' shoulders. He felt giddy and lightheaded and he could hear his blood rushing in his ears as Remus plunged his tongue into his mouth again, ravishing him to the point of breathlessness. He hoped that this meant that Remus indeed felt the same way and wanted him – it certainly felt like that judging by the forceful way Remus was pressing his body against him and how he slid their tongues together as if he couldn't get enough. He felt himself being pushed back towards the bed and he lowered himself onto it, barely aware of doing so, sitting upright and sliding his hands down to rest on Remus' hips, pulling him down with him. Remus knelt on the bed, one leg between Sirius' as he sucked and licked at his lips, still gripping the front of his robes and letting out a low moan in the back of his throat as he felt Sirius' hands grip his hips firmly.

Merlin, this was what his wildest dreams were made of and it was real, Remus thought vaguely.

Remus' whole body felt like it was on fire; not the painful fire of the transformation, but a warm, burning fire that heightened his senses and told him to take Sirius, all of him, consume him and show him just how much he wanted him.

Then a loud knocking made them break apart.

For a moment, Remus felt a rush of panic, thinking wildly that the other werewolves were here and had found him but he quickly found his senses and relaxed. He felt Sirius' hand cup his face, pulling him back down, his warm breath ghosting over his lips as he whispered, "Ignore them, they'll go away". Grinning, Remus agreed wholeheartedly, leaning forward to catch Sirius' lips again and enjoying another few seconds of brilliant snogging before the knocking came again. They broke apart again with a frustrated whisper of, "Fucking hell", from Sirius.

"Remus, it's me. Open up".

They both recognised James' voice and Remus sighed. They knew he wasn't going to go away until someone answered the door.

"I'll go see what he wants", Sirius huffed, gently maneuvering Remus so he could stand up.

"Don't take too long", Remus murmured against his lips, his grin mirrored by Sirius'.

"I won't", he promised, hurrying to get the door so he could get back to Remus sooner.

He flung the door open a little too forcefully in his haste and made James jump.

"Oh, hey. I didn't know you'd be here".

James was surprised to see him as he'd been expecting Remus to answer the door but it wasn't unusual for Sirius to be at Remus' flat after or before the full moon, so he thought nothing of it.

"Yeah, I came over to make sure he was alright", Sirius answered, adding quickly, "And he is; he's fine".

James frowned faintly at the abrupt answer. Something wasn't right.

He took a closer look at Sirius, looking for a sign of what might be wrong and noticed that he looked a little bit different. Sirius' shoulder length black hair, which usually looked perfect, was slightly mussed and he looked flustered, almost out of breath. His lips also looked swollen and red and he wouldn't stop fidgeting as if he was in a hurry to do something or to get somewhere.

"I was just coming over to check on him", James said slowly, giving Sirius a strange look, "but since you're already here I can just come in and say hi".

He made to step forward but stopped at Sirius' sharp "No!"

He noticed a faint red flush crawl over Sirius' cheeks as if even he had realised how strange he was acting.

"No, he's fine but he-he's asleep. So come back tomorrow", Sirius told him in a much quieter and calmer voice.

James froze and stared at his best friend as all the little details seemed to come together into one big obvious picture. _Ohhhh._

He fought down the snicker that was threatening to burst from him as he finally realised what was going on.

_Well, it took them long enough._

"Alright then, I guess I'll see you later", James agreed gleefully, unable to repress the grin that split his face, "Tell him I said hi".

Sirius looked at the unnerving grin and gave him a confused, "Yeah, see you".

He turned away, getting ready to apparate. He couldn't wait to tell Lily that she owed him twenty galleons.

She'd bet him that Sirius and Remus would get together _after_ Christmas.

Sirius watched James disapparate, wondering in confusion as his best friend practically cackled in glee.

_Well, that was weird._

Sirius closed the door slowly, wondering if maybe James had guessed what he'd been doing only minutes earlier. But that couldn't be; he hadn't been _that_ obvious.

Sirius remained in the hall, pondering for another minute before realising who and what was waiting for him in the bedroom. He rushed back to the bedroom, fighting the urge to run the distance and launch himself on the bed at high speed. He was filled with blind, ecstatic energy; he wanted to run and yell and jump around, perhaps on a muggle pogo stick, shouting to the world that he'd snogged Moony and that they were now quite possibly, almost certainly, going to be officially much more than friends. He barged into the room, grinning idiotically and fully intent on bowling Moony over and...well, who knew what exactly he was going to do to him, but stopped short.

There lay Remus, plastered all over the bed as if he'd been molded there since the beginning of time, quite obviously fast asleep. Sirius' smile softened and he stepped forward as quietly as he could. In all the drama and excitement of what had happened earlier, he had forgotten how tired Remus must have been. He carefully slipped Remus' shoes off and gently folded and pushed his long, limp limbs under the blanket. He smiled down at the peacefully slumbering figure, absently brushing back stray locks of light brown hair from the uncreased forehead and felt the ecstatic joy pulsing in his veins simmer to a quiet, but equally as potent, warm contentment.

He knew the idiotic smile had crept back onto his face and he quietly left the room, thinking that right now, he could produce a Patronus greater and brighter than any before. This was happiness.

OOOOOOOOOO

Next chapter is the last one!


	7. Chapter 7

Alright, this is the last chapter, I swear. I lost my liking and inspiration for this story by the sixth chapter which made me sad but I just can't seem to get the characters to stay in character. :( Sirius, you stupid mutt! * hits him* I'd hit Remus too but I don't think I could bear it. Anyway, this is the chapter where our two lovely wizards finally get it together to get some. :D That means that there will be sex.

Enjoy.

(Unless you don't particularly want to enjoy, in which case, you're missing out big time.)

Also, sorry about the point of view jumping a couple of times when it gets to the good stuff; I couldn't help myself XD

PS: m'already working on three more fics but these ones will be way shorter and MUCH better, I promise ;)

**Chapter 7**

Remus' body ached. It felt as if the marrow in his bones had been forcibly removed and then replaced with lead. His head hurt worst of all. A dull pounding thudded through his skull, painful and inescapable but he was used to this post full moon ritual. Although, it was nice to wake up in a warm, soft bed; the last couple of full moons he'd been waking up on the floor of his apartment or out in the wilderness somewhere. Yes, it sure was warm. He could just sink right into the mattress, back into the wonderful oblivion of sleep, but there was a warm hand pressing on his shoulder and a familiar voice calling as if from afar.

"Remus".

It got a little louder and clearer. He thought he could place the voice if the blanket of grogginess wasn't so heavy.

"Remus, wake up".

He allowed his eyes to open in a squint and regretted it instantly. Sunlight filled the room, the sharp rays feeling as if they had speared right into his brain.

"Come on, you sleepy bugger; you've been out of it since yesterday".

His eyes focused on the shadow that hovered above him that quickly grew a nose, lips, long black hair and icy blue eyes.

Remus shifted his limbs aimlessly. It was half an attempt to get Sirius to sod off and let him go back to sleep and half an attempt to sit up. Neither was successful.

He groaned. Moving intensified the ache but he was surprised to find that he felt a little better than usual; he had slept a lot though so he guessed that helped.

"Sit up or you'll drown in your soup", the pesky (and was that amused?) voice ordered.

He felt an arm prop him up and curl around his back to pull him up into a lazy sitting position. It felt nice; warm to be held like that. Embraced almost. His groggy mind barely registered the unique smells of Sirius' shampoo, soap, the smell of clothes warmed by sunlight and the overall pleasant smell of simply Sirius, before it was all taken away and he was propped against a couple of pillows and the headboard of the bed.

He cracked his eyes opened and blinked up groggily at the smirking man leaning over him.

"You're a bloody dead-weight when you want to be, Mr Moony".

Remus let out an indistinct mumble that he'd meant to sound like, "Sod off, you insufferable prat", but came out sounding muffled and strangely like, "So-f, sufble pra".

Sirius ignored him and leaned away to pick up a bowl filled with something steaming and smelling wonderful.

"James' mother sent this over. You need to eat something".

Remus considered this. He'd slept a long time and the night of the full moon had been relatively stress free for the wolf so he was recovering well and feeling much better than he normally did the day after the full moon, but he still wasn't hungry and he said so.

"M'not hungry".

"Don't care", Sirius replied without missing a beat, "You can't miss this many meals and if you won't eat this I'll force feed you what Lily sent over".

Remus again grumbled indistinctly but, at the threat of being subjected to the product of Lily's cooking which was arguably worse than Sirius', allowed himself to be handed the large bowl of pumpkin soup. Mrs Potter was a brilliant cook and he ate the soup almost willingly, even though the spoon felt far too heavy for his arm and his stomach churned unhappily. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, alternating between throwing occasional glances at Remus and nervously fiddling with a small hole in the old blanket. He took the plate from Remus when he'd finished and set it down on the bedside table.

"Feel better?"

Remus nodded and yawned, noting that the heavy blanket of tiredness was slowly lifting. Then a thought struck him.

"Did Dumbledore reply to my letter?"

Sirius nodded, fishing in his robe pocket for a moment before silently handing Remus a folded piece of parchment. Remus opened it with fumbling fingers, eager to see what the Headmaster might have thought of his news.

_Dear Remus,_

_I'm glad to hear that you were able to convince some of the werewolves to leave Voldemort's ranks and join us. They are essential allies and will be greatly appreciated and treated with the utmost respect and dignity they have long been starved of. I trust you will tell me more on your next report which I hope to have soon but, for now, I hope you recover well. Say hello to Sirius for me._

_Albus._

Remus felt his face flush in excitement and a little bit of embarrassment. It was good to know that his efforts had been recognised but it was a bit surprising to see that Dumbledore knew or suspected that Sirius was staying with him, or at least hanging around a lot.

Folding the letter back up, he smiled at Sirius, a light happiness settling over him as he realised that now his life would be made a lot easier as he would not always have to be worrying about fitting into the pack and making sure he didn't blow his cover.

A few moments later he found that his gaze had been lingering on Sirius and he turned away quickly.

He knew that Sean had smelt Sirius' scent on him and suspected that they were more than friends and he wondered how deep the animosity that Sean felt for werewolf-human relations went. Surely he could convince Sean and the other werewolves to come around to it or at least make it clear that his private life was irrelevant to them becoming allies to the Order. He hoped so anyway, because he was quite sure that he wouldn't be able to say no to Sirius sleeping in his bed tonight or any other night, and now that he knew for certain that Sirius wanted him too, he wasn't so sure that sleeping would be all that they'd be doing in his bed. He felt his cheeks flush at the thought and wondered if Sirius would guess correctly about what he'd been thinking. He looked back at Sirius and offered a hesitant smile which Sirius returned warmly.

"James told me to tell you that he said hi", Sirius said quietly after some long moments of silence.

"Oh", Remus replied stupidly, mentally cringing as he realised that when Sirius had gone to talk to James that he'd accidentally fallen asleep, even though he'd told Sirius to hurry back, "Sorry about falling asleep. I really did want to stay awake but you know how tired I get".

"No, it's okay, I understand", Sirius assured him, hesitating before adding nervously, "Do you want to – you know; if you're not too tired – continue what we were doing...now?"

Remus allowed a grin to split his face as he felt his head go light in relief and excitement. Some part of him had suspected that Sirius would realise he'd made a mistake and regret showing Remus how he'd felt, but now there was no mistaking that hopeful glint in Sirius' eye and Remus could just about run a mile with the amount of happy energy he suddenly had.

"That would be nice", his grin widened uncontrollably, "Now, where were we?"

He leaned forward as Sirius did, pressing their lips together as he cupped Sirius' face with his right hand.

Ah, yes, here they were. Now he remembered.

Remus gently flicked his tongue along Sirius' bottom lip, feeling his heart jump excitedly as Sirius' tongue met his own, twisting and stroking against each other. Sirius' hands threaded through his hair, gripping firmly and tugging slightly as he leaned even closer. This was what he'd been wanting, even though for a long time he hadn't been completely sure what he'd wanted, it was clear to him now. All those little touches and glances that they seemed to only reserve for each other, even since their fourth year, all came together and made sense. This was right.

Remus felt himself leaning back a little, hands tugging on Sirius' hair and robes so he would follow him. Sirius' silky black curtain of hair swung down to tickle his cheeks and he found himself surrounded by Sirius' scent. It was wonderful and he couldn't help but grin as he gently bit Sirius' bottom lip and sucked on it, coaxing a glorious, low groan from Sirius.

Ah, new sounds, new sights, new smells and tastes; things he had never experienced before from Sirius, even after their friendship of many years. This was new territory between them and the thought of something so unexplored, so new, excited them and made this, whatever it was, seem more thrilling than what they had ever done before with anyone else.

Remus slid down on the bed, pulling Sirius with him, noting that his old pyjama shirt rode up uncomfortably. He didn't care about the discomfort until he realised that he hadn't fallen asleep in that shirt or these pants for that matter, and that Sirius must have undressed him to dress him in something more comfortable.

"You changed my clothes", he murmured, grinning against Sirius' lips, noting with surprise that his voice was deeper and huskier than usual.

Sirius grinned back, "I did. You have no idea how much self control it took for me to do only that".

Remus laughed, eyes bright, "Well, you don't have to use self control now. You have my permission to do whatever you want".

"You're going to regret saying that later", Sirius winked, leaning closer, brushing his whole body almost imperceptibly against Remus'.

"Never", Remus promised, pulling Sirius' head back down and claiming his mouth again.

They pushed against each other urgently, each unused to feeling another so strong and demanding; more used to soft, gentle women. Although an unfamiliar sensation, it was also thrilling to feel the definite need and passion of another and to know that they were matched in strength and that they didn't have to hold back. They pulled and shoved and gripped each other until their need intensified so much that they had to stop and gasp for breath.

They wasted no time however.

Sirius buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck, mouthing it and tonguing the soft, smooth skin as his hands wandered, pushing Remus' cotton shirt up over his chest.

Remus' hands copied, reaching around Sirius' body to pull his shirt up at the back, bunching it around Sirius' chest until Sirius straightened, kneeling to wrench it over his head and chuck it to the floor. Eyes bright and reddened lips parted, Sirius gazed down at his now more-than-just-best-friend.

His groin stirred in anticipation at the sight.

Remus' arms were spread up, around his head on the pillow, his body language open and wanting, _begging_ to be kissed and touched and driven out of his mind. His eyes, those beautiful eyes, had turned a burning, liquid gold colour that startled Sirius with their intensity and he was sure this time, there was no trick of the light about those eyes. They gazed at him with open desire and Remus' mouth hung open as he breathed, short and rapid, sensual lips swollen and moistened with intense snogging, begging for more. Sirius grinned in anticipation as he trailed an unsteady hand down Remus' chest, covered only slightly by his shirt now, down the flat stomach that jumped and quivered excitedly at his touch, toying absently with the dark brown fur that led from his navel down into his pants.

Remus bit his bottom lip and pressed upwards into that hand, feeling his cock swell, making his pants seem tight. Oh, how he wanted that hand to touch him but Sirius pulled away with a grin and plucked at Remus' shirt to show that he wanted it off. Remus leaned up slightly to pull the offending item off and realised that that was an awkward move because it brought him level with and very close to Sirius' crotch. He was only inches away from that desired and unexplored treasure and he felt his cheeks burn at the suggestive position. He glanced up at Sirius to gouge his reaction and felt his stomach flip uncomfortably as he saw the flicker of surprise, humour and especially lust in those eyes. He bit his lip again as he reached up with shaking fingers.

He wanted to see it, wanted to touch it, taste it, everything, but he hadn't seen that part of Sirius since their school days and the thought of how he might have changed, how he was a _man_ now, made Remus nervous down in the pit of his stomach.

Remus' fingers undid the button of Sirius' jeans, fumbling a bit in his nerves, and pulled down the zipper which made an impossibly loud and blatantly suggestive sound that made them both snicker childishly.

Remus gave Sirius one more quick, heated glance before tugging the jeans down around Sirius' thighs and moving on to the underwear. Sirius had always been a briefs man and Remus was thankful for that because, while providing security and comfort, the tight-fitting underwear also gave Remus a good look at the bulge that was soon to be unveiled as Sirius' cock. Eager, Remus quickly pulled down the underwear and stared at the marvelous sight before him.

Red, swollen and standing to attention, Remus couldn't help but think it was the most wonderful sight in the world and as proof, his own pants got impossibly tighter at the sight.

However, he didn't quite know where to start. He knew what to do and how to do it, knowledge gained from being on the receiving end of such acts, but what did he do first?

He decided to follow instinct and do what felt best.

He trailed his hands up Sirius' thighs, and inwards, towards the object of his attentions. He brushed his fingers through the coarse, wiry hair, leaning forward slightly so that Sirius could feel his cool breath running along his length. Then Remus' fingers stroked his cock lightly, at first gentle and unsure and then they became confident; Remus' hand curling into a fist and tightening around the length and making it increasingly difficult for Sirius to breathe. Sirius had to keep reminding himself to breathe as he started to gasp and struggle for air, unable to comprehend anything beyond Remus' hand on him, tightening around him, stroking him and then something different...Remus lips on his cock, kissing and tonguing tenderly and then more insistently. It was as if Remus was becoming more and more comfortable and actually...liked what he was doing, judging by the way he'd started sucking the head of Sirius' cock enthusiastically.

Actually, Remus _was_ enjoying it. It didn't taste too good; sharp and unfamiliar but the rest made up for it. It was a strange but pleasant feeling to have something so smooth and soft in texture sliding into his mouth and he found himself taking more of Sirius in, looking up from beneath his lashes to see Sirius' reaction. And he almost choked.

Sirius' skin was all flushed and sweaty, glistening in the sunlight spectacularly, the tiny shining dots seeming to gather in places that emphasised his overall sexiness and sensuality. And those eyes, the way those eyes were looking at him like he was the most amazing thing Sirius had ever seen and how those lips were parted in gasps, whispering curses and endearments all in one so they all started to mean the same thing...Remus was lost.

So lost in fact that he forgot that he had a very sensitive part of Sirius in his mouth and accidentally allowed his teeth to scrape Sirius' cock. Sirius' eyes widened and he groaned a curse, whether in pain or pleasure, Remus didn't know but he hoped for the latter.

Deciding that his own cock was being very much neglected and mindful that it was painfully reminding him that it was in need of immediate attention, Remus pulled back, releasing the hot and now very wet length. Sirius looked disappointed at first but then Remus lay back down on the bed and Sirius seemed to brighten up again. Especially when Remus reached down and pushed at his own pants, lifting his hips up as he hissed, "Help me get these off".

Sirius complied readily, pulling the pants down Remus' long legs quickly and then gave Remus' underwear (also briefs) the same treatment. He'd thought that he couldn't get any more excited but then he saw Remus finally stark naked in his bed and looking up at him with an intensely lustful look, and he felt like he was about to explode with energy and adrenaline.

"Fuck, you're beautiful", he breathed truthfully, reverently running his hands up Remus' bare legs.

Remus turned an amusing shade of red and made to protest against such a remark, when Sirius swooped down and planted one right on his lips, silencing him. Remus complied readily, easing into the kiss as Sirius' hands wandered. Persistent thumbs rubbed over his taught nipples before moving down to rub and stroke his smooth stomach, one suggestive finger slowly following the line of fur down his stomach.

Sirius had always had a fascination with that line of hair for reasons he couldn't fully explain. Perhaps it was something about the pure masculinity of its presence, maybe because it was like a suggestion in itself; a path to follow, or maybe even because for some reason it reminded him of raw, primitive needs. Like the fur of the dog he occasionally became and the coarser fur of Moony once a month, that little line reminded him of the animal that was in each of them and how now, with Remus, those animals could be let out.

Yes, he could definitely see Remus being a wild animal in bed.

He snickered inwardly at the thought. _It was always the quiet ones._

To hide his grin, he nuzzled his face downwards, into Remus' neck, snuffling and kissing the chest peppered with light brown fuzz, dipping his tongue into Remus' navel and registering with satisfaction the little gasp of pleasure and surprise before pulling back.

Then uncertainty hit him.

He had a fair idea of where to put what, despite never having gone that far with a guy, but who would put what where? He felt unsure about being bottom first off but considering what had happened to Remus, perhaps he should be. After all, bad memories or sensations may very well come rushing back and he didn't want this to be a bad experience for either of them. He never wanted to cause Remus the same pain that that monster had and he didn't want either of their impatience to let that happen. So he concluded that he would have to quell his nerves and be on the bottom this first time. A terrible feeling settled in the pit of his stomach at the thought of the vulnerability he knew he would feel, but surely Remus would have felt worse.

His lust dimmed slightly, Sirius leaned down and kissed Remus again, but slower this time. Then he pushed and pulled and grunted until Remus was lying on top of him, looking down with a soft, questioning gaze.

"Know where to put what?", Sirius grinned, hoping his nerves didn't show.

Remus arched an elegant eyebrow in the way only he could and smirked, "I've got a fair idea".

He sat up and looked down at Sirius, smiling at first and then his brow furrowed in apprehension.

"Are you sure you want that?"

Sirius gazed up at him, amazed by Remus' ability to constantly know what was going through his mind. He was nervous and Remus had seemed to pick up on it but he was also intensely curious and wanted to try this. He knew Remus would never intentionally cause him pain and that they could stop if he found that he didn't want to do it. Wimping out now though was not an option.

"Yeah, go ahead", he assured Remus, trying to sound sure and steady.

Remus didn't look very convinced but he nodded and bit his lip as he trailed his fingers up Sirius' legs. He flicked Sirius another look that seemed to be asking for permission, to which Sirius almost imperceptibly nodded, before parting Sirius' legs at the knees.

Sirius felt his heartbeat speed up considerably and he carefully studied the peeling paint on the ceiling, feeling his cheeks flush bright red. He knew Remus was watching him carefully but he couldn't meet his gaze, afraid that if he did he would either be unable to see this through or burst out into nervous laughter. But Remus was patient and gentle, catching the new mood that seemed to have settled on Sirius; less frantically lustful and more understanding and patient. He stroked Sirius' skin lightly, hands exploring slowly, over his chest, his stomach, his sides, his legs, returning frequently to his inner thighs and gradually becoming more insistent. Remus' hand took hold of Sirius' cock, and stroked, making Sirius arch of the bed as his breath caught in his chest. Remus' hand did not linger long however, moving down to cup Sirius' balls, rolling and fondling them gently, eyes bright as he watched Sirius squirm and groan desperately. Slowly, very slowly, he allowed his hand to slip down further, pushing into the cleft between Sirius' cheeks, pressing and probing until he found what he was looking for. Sirius bit his lip and raised his knees, spreading his legs further to allow Remus greater access.

Could it be that he was actually...really wanting this? The way Remus had been touching him before had made it so that he could imagine nothing but pleasure, making him think that this would surely feel great too.

And then Remus was touching him there, gently rubbing over the puckered entrance and Sirius found himself holding his breath again.

It was an enticing feeling, Remus' touch soft and lightly tantalizing but nowhere near satisfying and Sirius was surprised to feel himself physically aching deep inside to feel more, to feel Remus inside of him. But Remus seemed intent on not rushing this, continuing the frustratingly slow, little movements until Sirius found himself pushing forward slightly in an attempt to take the finger inside himself, but to no avail because Remus stubbornly persisted with the light touches.

"Merlin, Remus, are you trying to fuck me or tickle me?", Sirius ground out after a while, frustrated and impatient.

Remus snickered at Sirius' impatience, relieved that this was working and that Sirius' nervousness seemed to be rapidly disappearing.

"You won't be saying such a ridiculous thing after I've had my way with you", he promised, teasing.

"Good. Now hurry up, I'm not made of glass, you know".

"Patience, I don't want this to hurt you", Remus murmured, ignoring Sirius' derisive snort as he removed his hand to summon oil from the kitchen.

He hadn't done this before but he could feel that Sirius was too dry to just take him like that. He knew that the cooking oil probably wasn't the best thing to use but it was all Remus could think of and that was good enough, considering that a lot of his blood was concentrated in a southerly direction to his brain at that moment.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at the bottle of cooking oil that whizzed towards them but if he was bothered by the lack of finesse, he didn't say anything. In fact, he seemed rendered speechless as Remus coated his fingers in the oil and placed them back at Sirius' entrance. Remus rubbed his finger over the entrance again and when it was covered in the slimy oil, he pushed the tip of one finger into Sirius' body. He could see Sirius' concentration on his face as he fought to keep himself open and relaxed but when Remus pushed in to the first knuckle, his face pinched and contorted in discomfort.

"You okay?", Remus whispered, hating how strained and anxious his voice sounded.

Sirius nodded and attempted a roguish grin, "Course I am. Keep going".

Remus obeyed reluctantly, pushing the finger in further as slowly and gently as he could. When all of it was in, he moved it around, exploring and stretching his new lover. As he bent his finger upwards, he unwittingly brushed against something deep inside Sirius. In response, Sirius' whole body tensed and he instinctively drew his knees up further, a loud, guttural moan escaping him.

Remus paused, wondering what had happened when Sirius groaned, "Fuck, that feels amazing, do it again".

Remus repeated the action, curling his finger upwards and probing around until he felt a bump under his finger. Again, Sirius groaned, cursing as his body greedily clamped down on Remus' finger, a shot of white-hot pleasure racing up his spine.

Remus carefully studied Sirius' face, unable to take his eyes away from the writhing figure before him. He wasn't sure what was going on inside Sirius that was making it so pleasurable but he was glad of it.

"What does it feel like?", he murmured curiously, continuing to rub against the little bump, eager to see Sirius' reaction again.

"I don't know but it's fucking...good." Sirius groaned between moans and gasps, "Kind of like something hot going up my back...oh fuck...almost like...ah...like a miniature orgasm".

Remus was intrigued and wanted to explore this new development further but he had to stop; he didn't know how much longer Sirius could last if he kept that up. Sirius made a whimpering sound when Remus removed his finger but it was soon replaced with two freshly oiled fingers. Remus stretched Sirius for as long as he could before removing those two fingers as well, hurriedly spilling some oil on his cock and coating it liberally.

He held his cock in position at Sirius' entrance with one hand while with the other, he pushed some of Sirius' long hair aside to support himself on his hand next to Sirius' head. He was about to ask if Sirius was ready when Sirius grumbled, "Fuck, Remus, hurry up, I'm dieing here".

Remus laughed breathlessly, feeling much the same way. He held his breath as he pushed the head of his cock into Sirius' body, allowing his eyes to flutter closed as waves of pleasure washed over him. He wanted to push in further, his body and temporarily vacant mind screaming for more, but he knew he had to wait for Sirius to adjust. When he saw Sirius' features relax a bit, he pushed in further, almost to the hilt before pausing again, sweat dripping down his face in the effort it took not to ravage Sirius completely. Finally he was all the way in and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Sirius was so tight and warm and smooth and...holy fuck, it felt so good. He groaned, shutting his eyes tight in an attempt not to just thrust mindlessly and come before making it any good for Sirius. Sirius squirmed against him and Remus' eyes flew open, looking down at the amazing man beneath him, hoping he wasn't causing him pain.

"You feel a lot bigger than you look, you know", Sirius commented simply, widening his legs a bit more to allow Remus more room.

Remus let out a burst of breathless laughter, relieved as well as amused.

"You saying I don't look big enough, Mister Padfoot?", he teased, leering down at him.

Sirius grinned back, shaking his head adamantly, "No, no, you're certainly big enough for me".

Remus chuckled, leaning down to kiss Sirius' chest absently, preparing himself to start moving.

He started with little thrusts, easing them both into a rhythm. He vaguely felt Sirius' long legs wrapping around his body to push heels into his back and spur him on, and he grinned down at him. Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and they both erupted into a fit of chuckles, Remus collapsing, resting his head on Sirius' chest as laughter rumbled from the solid body beneath him and also from himself. Regaining control of himself, he sped up his thrusts, knowing he was getting somewhere when long fingers tangled in his hair, pulling roughly as Sirius groaned. He pulled Sirius' hips up against his own to get a better angle, so that some of Sirius' back wasn't even touching the bed. This angle seemed to work because Sirius threw his head back against the pillow and made one of the most beautiful sounds Remus had ever heard. He kept going, trying to hit the same spot that was making Sirius writhe and moan and swear, somehow making words like, 'fuck', and 'bloody motherfucking hell' sound like beautiful prayers. His voice was breathless, his breaths coming in loud gasps and his eyes were almost closed in bliss, mouth wide open as he cried out meaningless words amongst the intelligible ones. Remus gazed at Sirius in wonder, feeling himself speed up considerably at the truly orgasmic sight.

"You're amazing, so fucking amazing", he whispered reverently into Sirius' heaving, sweaty chest.

Swears and the odd utterance of his name was the only response he got, Remus barely noticing that Sirius was starting to get louder, although he certainly felt Sirius' hands roaming all over him, gripping and pulling, encouraging him to go faster, move deeper. Sweat droplets rolled down his back, the sunlight streaming into the room not helping with the heat that seemed to be emanating from deep inside of him as he moved faster.

He felt Sirius' sweaty hand slither between their rocking bodies and groaned as he felt the rythymic tugging movements that told him Sirius was pulling on his own cock as he was starting to approach climax. He was sure he wouldn't be able to last another minute like this and he reckoned that Sirius was on the brink too, so he rocked his hips a little faster and harder, rythym gone completely.

Remus saw Sirius' climax in his expression moments before he felt it. Sirius' eyes glazed over and his face contorted beautifully as he let out one last ecstatic cry, body arching and pushing and sliding against Remus' as his body tensed. Seeing and feeling that...and Sirius' body contracting around him, brutally choking his climax from him, Remus couldn't hold it back any more. White hot pleasure surged up his spine, into his brain and he desperately grasped Sirius' hips firmly to keep himself grounded as he was taken to another world. A few more thrusts and he groaned loud and deep, jerking forward and sinking his teeth into Sirius' shoulder to stifle his short scream while also indulging in an unbearably strong wolfish instinct.

A couple of seconds later and he was flopped over Sirius' chest in exhaustion and complete satisfaction, both of their chests rising and falling rapidly in exertion and their hearts beating frantically.

Remus slowly released Sirius' shoulder from his sharp teeth, looking down at the teeth marks with slight feelings of shame and embarrassment mixing unpleasantly with the afterglow of his orgasm. He shouldn't have bitten him like that; he'd given into his wolfish desires and shown who – _what_ – he truly was. But then Sirius was grinning up at him like the cat that had got the cream and was pulling him down for a brilliant post-magnificent-amazing-sex-snog. And Remus forgot to worry about being a werewolf, he forgot to worry about what other werewolves would think and forgot about the war and danger and the fear and could only be immensely thankful that this – what they had here – was his and nothing could take this moment away.

Ever.

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Okay, so I finished that off a little hastily, but it was good, no? ;P

And to my readers who have commented and read this unbearably long story, thank you very much and your comments made my days and weeks and months :)

I only haven't replied because, being not too bright, I haven't figured out how to reply on this site XD But thank you and I'm glad you've liked this story so far and I hope you agree that this chapter finishes it off with a bang ;D I LOVE YOU ALL.

Toodles :)


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